Get married? Why would you if you’re treated like a king at home.

An aggravated and frustrated mother rings her daughter: “Please speak to your brother. He’ll listen to you. All he does is play X box all evening after work.”

He is not interested in getting married!.

We have shown him so many nice girls who can adjust in our household. But he keeps saying he has nothing in common with them. And what does he mean he needs to be attracted to her? Shameful boy. But don’t tell him we spoke to you.”

An irritable brother rings his sister: “Please speak to Mum and Dad.

“They want me to marry the girl we visited last week because she cooked us a feast and because she’s really fair skinned so we won’t have dark children.

“And she doesn’t want to study and says she doesn’t have many friends. And they say she is young enough to be able to mould and adapt for our household.

I don’t want a project. Or a cook.”

At the age of thirty Asian guys are pushing their limits by retaining their bachelor lives. One guy was happy to string his parents along on all the introductory meetings whilst he secretly kept his girlfriend.

Why would he put his parents through the rigmarole of arranging the meetings and all the enforced small talk during and the cursory phone calls after. “Because they always put on a spread. I love all that food. You might as well enjoy it while you’re there. ”

Yes, that is rather cheeky and audacious. Has he any idea how much a family has to cook and clean before anticipating the arrival of the potential in-laws?

However, we always seem to focus on the strenuous formalities Asian women have to endure for the purpose of marriage meetings and the emphasis on getting married by a certain age, which, no matter what anyone says, still is rife.

A 30-year-old girl who isn’t married must have a gora boyfriend stashed away somewhere, or is simply unmarriable by aesthetic standards, maybe a squint or a limp or some other bizarre reason which would deem her rejectable. Guys, however, are not in an enviable position.

The pressure mounts to get married and ‘settle down’ from a certain age. And what his parents determine to be good qualities in a daughter-in-law are certainly not what he seeks in someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

One chap was so vexed by his parents’ forcefulness yet he remained silent and attended all the cursory meetings, coming up with the weakest excuses concocted by man to turn down all the various girls offered to him. From not liking her shalwar kameez, to not liking her Facebook picture-well, she took one of herself in the bathroom as the light is better there, maybe he can be excused for that one- to wearing too much makeup, to being too fat, too quiet, too chatty, it’s too far too travel to their house.

It turns out this chap did the underhand thing and had a clandestine marriage, and only introduced the Mrs to his parents after he had a child.

Incidentally, she, like him was of Pakistani background, but had the misfortune to stem from the wrong caste. How he managed to live at home during this period is beyond comprehension. Genius or desperation?

Perhaps this piece should be censored. After all it does divulge far too many tips to single guys not looking to get married.

Or at least, guys don’t use the above tired excuses. Be innovative with yours.