When I got a job teaching Psychology in a University I was overjoyed.

After four years of studying I got the job that I really wanted, my family and friends were also excited for me, too. That is, all except one person.

This woman was my best friend since High School, we were inseparable, and we know each other’s deepest darkest secrets.

So why, if we were so close, couldn’t this person be happy for me? The reason is that she isn’t really a friend, she’s a frenemy.

But how do we define a frenemy?

Well, a frenemy is someone with whom you have an ambivalent friendship, the person seems to be a friend, but then has periodic or frequent lapses in behaviour that are antagonistic or undermining.

It seems I had mistakenly confused a frenemy for a friend.

But it isn’t really that uncommon.

How many of us have had a ‘friend’ that is like this? Are we holding on to her because of nostalgia?

Perhaps we have become used to the snide remarks and the subtle put downs, but by allowing this behaviour to continue we are engaging in a vicious circle.

We’ve all heard these kinds of statements; “Oh, I have that top; it looks so different on you”.

“You just started studying for the Psychology exam? I started three weeks ago”.

“I just love your healthy curves!”.

“I mean, I don’t think he’s attractive but I guess you like guys like that”.

Women come across these types of friendships throughout their lives. In first school, it’s the girl who befriends you just so she can play with your brand new ‘my little Pony’.

In middle school, she accidently lets your crush know that you like him. In high school she’s secretly pleased that you didn’t get into the University of your Dreams.

In adulthood, these frenemies still exist. They compete to see who has the better job, marriage and home.

If you marry a doctor (sorry using blatant Asian stereotypes here) she will marry a surgeon. If you are a size 10, then she will have to be a size 8 and if anyone gives you a compliment in front of her then she will burn to a crisp (not literally, sadly).

As women we have so much pressure upon us, if it’s not from our families it’s from society.

Our friends are our haven, we tell them things that we wouldn’t even tell our own families, so why on earth would we do continue to allow frenemies to be a part of our lives?

Maybe we need to revaluate ladies…