Dear Massi, I am the second wife of my husband. We have been married nearly 5 years now.
My husband has three children from his first wife.
The eldest daughter is getting married soon.
His children don't talk to me and are angry at me and blame me for their father leaving.
He is still married to his first wife but he lives with me.
My husband was okay with me going to the wedding at first, but when he told them I wanted to come, they threatened to cancel the entire wedding.
He says he refuses to be caught in the middle and said it would better for me not to go at all.
I'm really hurt and upset to be abandoned like this.
I'll be at home alone while they're at the wedding. It will be a big victory for his first wife as my husband will show everyone he has chosen her over me.
Should I threaten to leave him if he doesn't let me come to the wedding?
Massi says, Your position is not an enviable one.
However, it is important to consider what you will gain by actually attending this wedding.
It seems your motives are to prove to other people that your husband is loyal to you.
You said he lives full time with you, so that is a clear manifestation of his loyalty.
Would you really want to attend a family event that is so poignant for the immediate family members?
Why subject yourself to being in an uncomfortable situation with a strained atmosphere.
How would you feel if your husband's first wife arrived at a special event you were holding?
Rather than making this into a personal attack, let your husband and his daughter carry on with the big day without adding any more drama or tension to the situation.
Threatening to leave will only exacerbate an already tense situation.
By extending a magnanimous gesture and detaching yourself from this family event, you can encourage a more harmonious relationship with all parties involved.