Dear Massi, I’m thinking about calling off my engagement.
My fiancée lied to me and I have seen a side to her I didn’t think existed.
We only ever meet each other with family present. We’re both very keen to keep things as halal as possible.
She always talks about religious things and comes across as really pious. She even turned down a job offer because of their dress code.
I got the shock of my life when my sister showed me a video on Facebook with my fiancée dancing to music at an Asian event.
The video appeared on her Facebook feed.
My fiancée was in a group of men and women dancing. She had taken her hijab off and was wearing a sleeveless top with her sari. Me and my sister watched it a few times but it’s definitely my fiancée.
It’s like she has a secret life which I don’t think her parents even know about.
It is making me question everything.
Shall I call it off or show her parents the video?
Massi says, Social media has indeed induced new types of social issues and problems.
It is increasingly difficult to retain levels of privacy when people are using social media during all facets of their life.
Whilst your fiancée hasn’t directly lied to you, it appears she has portrayed a certain image of herself which perhaps you are wanting to see.
Attending an event, dressing a certain way and dancing are not immoral traits. However, you are entitled to know the truth about someone before you marry them.
If her inherent interests contradict your outlook on life then it may be time to reconsider your compatibility.
Rather than showing the video to her parents and further exacerbating the issue, talk to your fiancée directly.
There is no need to be combative about this. Every person has a different personality and different interests and should not be vilified or made to feel guilty for that.
Explain that if her interests clash with your ideals, you can mutually reach a decision without blaming either person.