Dear Massi, I just found out that my husband lied about his virginity. He promised me our wedding night was his first time.
It was humiliating the way I found out.
My sister-in-law who I absolutely hate is married to my husband's older brother.
She made a bitchy comment over dinner saying it's nice to finally see my husband settled down after all the girlfriend's and the parties and the weed.
I was so shocked I couldn't speak.
Then she said one of his girlfriend's had a pregnancy scare once but it turned out she was only saying that to trick him into marrying her.
I said this can't be true.
Before we were married my husband would say that only pure men marry pure women, and that's why he was marrying me.
My sister-in-law carried on. It's like she was enjoying herself. She said my husband once sneaked into her bedroom and stole some condoms on his way out one night.
When I asked about the weed, she said they would often find weed in the car or they would smell it from his room.
Apparently even his parents knew about it.
Their solution was to take him for umra. Now I am really confused.
My husband spends every Friday and Saturday night out.
He says he goes to talks in the mosque. Whenever I ask about the smell off his clothes or his red eyes, he says some of the other brothers were smoking into his face.
I don't know what to believe anymore.
Massi Says: Hearing about your husband's past is clearly and understandably shocking to you.
Lying about his virginity was unnecessary, however, your husband may have ashamed of his past and may have felt you would not marry him if you knew the truth.
This is certainly no justification for lying.
All the stories relayed to you by your sister-in-law are about your husband's past.
It was not her place to be the informant in this situation, but now that you have been confronted by this information, rather than speculating, talk to your husband directly.
Ask him to verify what she has told you and express clearly to him your concerns about his activities at the weekend.
Tell you husband that you can understand that ones past cannot be changed, but that you now want an open and transparent relationship for your future together.
The constant speculation and scrutiny will result in you reaching far more adverse conclusions and will drain your emotional resources.