After concerns that ‘hard line Muslims’ are plotting to take over the Education system in the Midlands proposals have been put forward to safeguard future roles for those working in the public services.

Any Muslim applying to work in a public position must now fill in a form that promises that they will ‘not become too powerful too quickly’.

They must also promise not use the following terms anywhere in a meeting: ‘Can we have a section just for the women?’ ‘I don’t think Afghanistan was a good idea.’ ‘I’m not too sure about the Gay thing’.

“I just need to pop out to pray.’ And “Do you think we can get some halal food in here? Preferably non-stunned chicken?’ Use of any these sentences and others will warrant an immediate investigation by public authorities and removal from your post.