I never realised the unfairness that took place in an Asian household when it came to daughters-in-law, until I was seeing it happen in front of me.

If a daughter forgets to greet somebody at the door she gets a little telling off once the guests have left, however if the daughter-in-law forgets to greet the guests at the door she gets shamed in front of the visitors.

I cannot understand why some daughters-in-law are treated unfairly in an Asian household as, in line with tradition, this woman has left her family and old life behind to start a new chapter with her husband and his family, and to take care of them.

Clearly this sacrifice should be appreciated and not ignored or disregarded?

Of course I am not stating that all daughters-in-law are treated unfairly and I’m sure there are many ladies across Britain who would say that their in laws are amazing and have accepted them wholeheartedly.

However there are still some wives out there who would complain that they do not receive due respect and recognition from their mother-in-law, father-in-law or even the sisters-in-law.

So what is it that these ladies are doing wrong or are there pre conceived conceptions in a family’s mind of how they want their daughter-in-law to be, and if these preconceptions are not met then they do not accept the daughter-in-law with open arms?

Many men in the 21st century are now going out and finding wives for themselves; high school sweethearts, university romances, or even a blossoming relationship with a work colleague.

However some families of these men may not be accepting of their choice in women for marriage, which can cause a struggle to get them to agree to the marriage.

Eventually some of these men are successful in gaining the approval from their families, but the problems can arise, for the bride to be, once the wedding is complete.

A young wife from Bradford, who wished to remain anonymous, told me, “I’ve been married for two years now and it was a love marriage. I’m very happy in my marriage and I have two beautiful boys with my husband.

"However I am still living with my in laws and I don’t actually get on with them, apart from one of my sisters-in-law.

"My in laws are very backwards and tend to interfere in every little thing I do. It would be better if we had our own house; a step which I am trying to convince my husband to take. Marriage is amazing if the in laws don’t get involved".

This strong viewpoint reflects the idea that although a woman may be accepted into an Asian family, her ideas and views may not be accepted or understood. On the other hand it can be argued that the women themselves do not make an effort to integrate.

A mother-in-law who wanted to be known as Mrs Shah said, “It is not my family who have not accepted my daughter in law, everyone has been so welcoming to her since my son chose her to be his wife, it is simply her who does not wish to become a part of our family.

She does not like our way of living and makes no effort to hide that.”

This clash between families is not uncommon.

There are many women who are exceptionally happy with their in laws and couldn’t have hoped for a better family.

Nadia, from Nottingham, said, “Getting married was scary; moving away from home was the scariest, but now that I’m here with my in laws its lovely. I’m happy and there’s nothing to complain about Alhamdulillah.”

Fatima is another wife who says that she has great in laws, “I have a fantastic relationship with my in laws. "I make an effort to keep them happy and vice versa. I think it is important for the sake of my kids too who are fortunate enough to gain love and attention from two sets of grandparents/families.”

Fatima also managed to learn the language of her in laws by living with them, as it was different to her parent’s language.

She says “My time there helped to create a lifelong bond with them".

Not all families treat their daughters-in-law unfairly, yet there are still families out there who cannot accept a new woman coming into their family.

Clearly changes need to be made; some Asian men need to learn to stand by their wives more; families need to be more kind and understanding to the new addition to their family; and these women also need to make more of an effort to integrate and accept their new family and way of life.

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