As a British South Asian living in the UK pandemic, many of us find the marriage talk is now impossible to avoid as we spend more time at home than ever.

From one lockdown to another, the ticking clock from the family on why you have not found anyone yet is going at crazy speed without any results and Seema aunty has sent you all the biodata in the world already.

But what is finding love in a pandemic really like for most of us still living the single life since the first lockdown?

Time is not on your side

Time really is not on your side, especially if you’re inching closer to your thirties, where traditionally the aunties will tell you, is your sell-by date.
Living on a time limit in a pandemic is stressful. The pressure has never been greater, and all you can do in between trying to NOT catch Covid-19, is try online dating, where the relationship stays until you can meet up, and will they even be worth it in person?

If not, then you’re back to square one, this time with even less time.

Alan Bariana from Birmingham said: “Every Asian parent’s dream is for their kids to be married by 25, with grandchildren soon after.

“It can be stressful to make your family happy, but sometimes you have to realise it’s out of your hands.”

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Online relationships are harder to maintain

So, you swiped right on DilMil or Salaams and now you’ve been talking for five months without meeting them.

You’re wondering, are we just pen pals? Whether you’re looking for marriage or just trying to date, the fact is you can’t meet this person.

Your mum might be asking you every week if you have a potential Rishta yet, but even for the most traditional families, some communication in person is required to even get to this stage.

Instead, you have about three people you think might make a good Rishta when you can actually meet them.

But after a while you simply lose interest because deep down you want to meet someone as you trip in the park on your state approved exercise, falling right into their arms.

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Privacy

Let’s be honest, even if you did find someone to spend your lockdown hours discussing how big your families are, if you’re living at home you have no privacy.

Asian families tend to have bigger households, so everyone is around you all the time. Is your bedroom a safe place to talk?

Daljinder (above) from Leicester said: “Trying to make arrangements to talk online is really difficult because everyone is at home in lockdown since the last year, so you don’t have any privacy and honest conversations.

“You’re thinking what if someone comes in? Or doesn’t knock. It’s difficult to be spontaneous and fun with dates, there’s only so much you can do over zoom. It doesn’t have the same romance around it.”

No Rishta’s to the house 

This might not be a bad thing for most of us. If you’re a girl, you’d put on your best clothes to impress a potential husband and his entire family as they paid you a visit to talk about a marriage.

If you were the guy in the same situation, you were going there to be judged by all her sisters.

But since families cannot visit each other now, your parents may be stuck doing virtual zoom calls, still it’s not the same.

Asian families typically love talking in person, they love cooking and serving sweets and tea, it’s all part of the process. To lose it, really takes the fun away for them.

Ruby from Birmingham said: “The rishta thing is on hold, thank the lord, because nobody can come to our house.

“I had a phase briefly, when I decided to join some apps, but the people were weird, so I can’t do that again.”

No big weddings

Dreaming of walking through the wedding hall with ‘Tum Hi Ho’ playing? Well, it can still happen, but with maybe just your parents there to see it.

It’s common for the Rishta talk to quickly turn into an engagement, most families will have decided within six months if they agree to the match.

But it’s hard to find a marriage partner in a pandemic when you have no idea when you might even be able to hold a normal wedding.

Even when weddings are allowed again, many families have realised that the great big Asian wedding isn’t all that necessary. Who are we showing after all?

Despite all of this, your family may still be pressuring you to find a husband or a wife.

All you can do is speak to your family and tell them that while you appreciate their concern, you have far greater worries in a pandemic, and getting married is just not one of them yet.