It was never love for him. My husband saw marriage as access to on-demand intimate relations. When he wanted it, he got it .

On our wedding night I discovered this ruthless side to him. This was my first experience of this nature.

I was violated. He wanted sex no less than five times that night. Just so he could brag to his friends about his own prowess.  The next day I ended up in hospital.

He was out with his friends boasting about his conquest.

His mother visited me and told me that it was my duty to obey my husband and be available to him. She even said if I wouldn't do that, it would be my fault if he cheated on me.

I told her I was going to ask for a divorce.

She convinced me to come back to her son and make sure I get pregnant as quickly as possible as that would make my husband change for the better.

In my naivety I went back to that animal.

The next six months saw a more aggressive side to him emerge.

When he wanted sex, he expected to get it, otherwise he would resort to violence, violence that I endured repeatedly.

I didn't know how to tell my parents. 

This marriage was arranged with everyone's approval.

To this day I have not been able to tell them the full extent of what I went through.

But I think not talking about it makes it worse for them in their heads.

I heard he has been divorced two more times after me. I have been damaged emotionally and physically.

My parents blame themselves. What is the use of blaming anybody? Placing blame won't turn back time. I hope I can trust a man again in the future.

But I will give myself time to heal first.

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