If you don’t slurp then you are not a ‘proper Asian.’ You may well think that by not slurping you are ‘different’ but we all know down you love to slurp your drink.

There are many things that make us who we are and drinking tea from a plate is one of them. I drank from a plate for many years until I was told it was actually meant to be drunk from the cup and the plate was only used to cool down the liquid.

The ‘plate slurpers’ were a common sight in the day and a visit to someone’s house was not complete without the customary slurping of the chai from a pink floral plate.

This was normally accompanied with the dunking of the rusk into the tea. The rusk is one of the world’s greatest foods yet little is known of this half cake half biscuit item.

It can be eaten dry but only an idiot would attempt that and live to tell the tale.

Then it all changed.

A quick gander to your average house now is like going to an English tea party. Ooh…look at me with my brand-new tea set with posh cakes. Let’s all sit in our blinged up front rooms with fake smiles. It makes me sick.

If you do decide to put the tea into a plate and drink it they all look at you as if you just landed and have yet to figure out the strange customs. This is accompanied by a look of sheer horror if you decide to dunk your biscuits into the mug!

Thankfully, ‘they’ are still among us.

‘They’ are the guys who eat dhal chawal (lentils and rice) and mess their whole face and hands up. Even better they insist on shaking your hand whilst they eat.

We have the massi who slurps her cold drink from a cup. Come on – it’s cold!

There is the fellow who whilst eating, will not only makes noises but wipes his nostrils with the back of his hand.

Nothing but nothing will beat the following gentleman. First of all, he devours several botees (chicken legs) and places the pile of bones complete with his saliva still dripping from them into the middle of the floor.

Such disdain he has for the host he expects others to pick these up and put them in a plate for him.

Whilst he is eating he makes a slapping sound with his mouth. And then having finished his meal he then proceeds to...and this is just genius…drink the remaining curry from the bowl.

Having knocked back the whole menu and then some, he decides as a parting gift he should wipe his hands on your beige sofa. The man should be knighted.