If there is one thing we like doing more than anything else is bling the **** out of everything we see.

There is no such thing as an understated Asian. We like to draw attention to ourselves and there is a perfect reason why we like to do this.

This has much to do with what we actually are. Like it not we are all essentially the descendants of farmers, shopkeepers and the sort.

Yes, there are some of us who came from the educated elite but on the whole we are ‘payndus’ (villagers) and should be proud of it.

Whilst our forefathers learned to live with the least amount possible, we got spoiled with excess. We quickly forgot the quality of humility and went all out with diamonds and gold. We decided that we wanted show off our new-found wealth even it was all part of a false economy.

It does not matter if you can afford it, as long as people think you can.

It is in our nature to ridicule anyone who does not bling something. By doing so we are telling everyone else that this person is not really worthy of being part of the collective because he or she did not dazzle us with repulsive shining things.

So, we decided to bling everything. Sofas, cars, mirrors, phones, gardens, bathrooms – we wanted to make a statement for fear of embarrassment.

If we aren’t blinging outfits here we are putting up metal gates with matching windows in our villages back home whilst people living yards away live off 10 pence a day.

The most disgusting example of this is the wedding where we like people to know how ‘unique’ we are. It is the same cars, the same outfits, the same stages with a whole different set of kanjars.

By the way, will someone please not play the same damn tune every single time the couple make an entrance.

Anyone who chooses to go against this tried and tested wedding formula was either trying to save money or didn’t want to draw attention to the wedding. How did we lose that sense of modesty?

Even worse are the folk who like to be all religious but then bling the hell out of everything in the hope that they can replicate the ‘Arab look’. **** ***.

Outwardly it is all about ‘ooh look at me, I am so humble and want to live within my means and not draw attention to myself.’ Then you see their home and it looks like one of those nauseating Dubai hotels.

Bling it and you will be respected.