There are many things that shame us. Girl wearing jeans. Guy coming home with girl. Girl coming home with skinny guy. Guy coming home with guy? Guy staying unmarried until the age of 48.

Yet, none of these things can be compared to that horrible, most shameful, deplorable, scandalous thing that is the ‘rotee running out’.

This can happen at any time and when it does you will not live it down. You will try. I know you all will, but to have the rotee run out on you is the worst thing that can happen to anyone. You feel my pain brothers and sisters.

I have seen grown men break down in the corner of a kitchen. It is not a pretty sight.

In the olden days – let’s call them 1987- these things could only happen at a wedding. You see, we served the food at the weddings back then (not these waiters). We were real men with real values. We got our hands dirty like those before us and those before them.

But if the wedding host had misjudged the numbers he may well have ‘run out of rotee’. Some scheming cousin type would start a rumour that the rotee ‘had gone’. And all hell would break loose.

Or if he wanted to be…in fact if ‘she’ (we know who to blame) wanted to be really cruel, she would send back the ‘cold rotee’ knowing that they didn’t have any warm ones to bring back. With no microwave you were *****d.

In 2019 we have not learnt from our mistakes and now we urge the caterers to buy three hundred extra rotees in case our obese guests who have already gorged themselves at six weddings that month don’t have enough food to feed their egos.

What I find downright unforgivable is how guests will waste the good rotee on purpose in the ‘hope’ they can then say it wasn’t up to standard. You could put on a banquet but if Massi says it’s s*** - it’s s***.

Also, please note the ‘rotee’ can actually mean many things. It can also stand for chicken legs, a curry dish or the whole damn meal. Confusing for our non-Asian readers but it all makes sense.

A dawat (feast) at home is no different.

For those who want to be really mean, they can spoil the rotee. This tactic is normally used by jealous cousins, friends and people from London (to get back at their less affluent Northern neighbours). This involves eating half a rotee and nonchalantly tossing the remainder back into the middle of the table knowing full well it can’t be re-used.

Immoral but who cares.