Never give anything free to an Asian. You shouldn’t. Because you know it will come and bite you in the a***.

The thing about free is that it is…well… free. We like ‘free’ more than most folk I would say.

Invite anyone anywhere and the first words to come out of their mouths will be… ‘Is it free?’ But it only costs two quid? But can you do it for free?

You have two houses, a nice car and paid £2,000 for those garish gold tiles in your bathroom. Yes, but I want the ticket for free.

This idea we are entitled to something goes way back to the days of the EEC free butter.

For those not in the know let me explain. Back in the day there was this project which shipped out free butter from the European Union to neighbourhoods across the continent. Now, whilst some folk deserved the butter others clearly did not.

When we know something is ‘free’ we will take the **** out of it. And once we have taken the **** out of it, we return and take the **** out of it again.

Brother had twenty grand under his bed setee but was always first in the queue when the butter was being handed out.

Things have not changed much I’m afraid. We all know that when we put the word ‘free’ anywhere the usual suspects are out in their droves. It is like a religion to some of them.

This is not a stereotype.

The worse thing is that sometimes ‘free’ means you have ‘human rights’.

There is no finer sight in the world than seeing make-up auntie arguing with a fabric shop owner over something that was ‘free.’ She knows the shop keeper did her a favour but she wants to make out it is SHE who is doing HIM a favour.

This process normally ends when the store owner yields to her demands and ends up handing her something that wasn’t free just to end the argument.

At which point she does something only an Asian woman in control can do. She hands it back and proclaims she didn’t want to demean herself by accepting it and the shop keeper will be judged on the day of resurrection.

‘Free’ has got us into a whole lot of trouble over the years because some people are just not happy. You can give them the whole world for free but they will still moan to a third party about what a son of a ***** you are.

But it was free?