Shoddah

A shoddah is described as someone who tends to be a) tight with his money or b) someone who is jealous of other’s successes. Now, those are the official descriptions of shoddah.

But there is more to being a shoddah than just being someone who doesn’t like spending money. The fact is, shoddah actually describes a whole lot more of us than we would like to think.

Take for instance this case. One is at a wedding and when the food arrives one immediately places six kebabs and eight chicken bhotees (chicken legs) onto ones plate. By doing so one has ensured the other guests must now wait for the tray to be refilled.

This will be classed as a shoddah thing to do. What if you and several of your friends turn up at the same wedding and decide not pay the customary £20. Are we now shoddeh?

How about when someone visits a house and does not serve any gosht (lamb) dishes to the guests. Is it okay to call the person a shoddah?

What if you were friends with someone and you found out they were having a barbeque. And they didn’t invite you because they said it was just a family affair.

You waited and waited for the ******* text and checked Whatsapp religiously for several days. You would check each of your friends ‘last seen’ status for a few days to see if they had set their own group up.

You know that something isn’t right because normally when he has a barbecue you are always the first to be invited.

For a few days you think you are just paranoid but then you hear from one of your other friends that he was invited to the barbecue. He wasn’t meant to say anything but being Asian he wanted to gloat.

You pretend not to mind but the whole thing is eating you up inside. Is it really just an Eid barbeque?

Why? Why was I not invited? Did I do something wrong? Was it because I didn’t use the bhotee plate last time I visited and discarded the bones onto his pristine glass table?

The horrible feeling of rejection is destroying all hope I had in faith and humanity and I am trying to be positive about this but I can’t.

On the day of the barbecue I will turn up anyway. They call me a shoddah but you are too for not inviting me you selfish, horrible, sick twisted man.