Let me re-phrase that. It is a purely Pakistani Eid junglee. Gujarati’s don’t do this stuff. Not on Eid anyway.

Look, it was easy. You got yourself a motor and drove up and down Wilmslow Road for a few hours.

You bought a bottle and wrapped it in a Tesco bag and celebrated Eid. A full month of fasting ended when you had a bit of booze, some weed and got into a scrap with a fellow Moslem because his hair was longer at the back than yours.

Things have not changed I’m afraid.

The fact is some of us are still think we are in some way special. We deserve to go on a bender because we is ‘Muslim’ and all that.

This is probably the real reason we have two different Eids.

The first is made up of the jubbah wearers and the second is made up of the ‘other’ guys. You know ...the junglees.

Junglee used to just make a racket at the local mela. It was his thing. Mela and junglee were made for one another.

Then he evolved. Eighties bad boy doesn’t know whether to spank him or hug him.

He is now a law unto himself…strutting around as if he owns the whole town. He drives like an idiot and squares up to grannies in supermarket queues.

Then Ramadan is upon us and junglee goes into hiding. With his freshly ironed shalwar kameez he can mostly be seen frequenting the mosque and taking part in some charity work.

He changes his WhatsApp image from a Ferrari to a moon. On social media he becomes the resident mufti and decides to share his pearls of wisdom to all the brothers on the planet.

If it is haram - he is the first to tell folk because, and this is the best part of it all..it is his duty. Yes, the biggest cop out since cops outs were invented - ‘the duty’. ‘Brother, it is my duty to tell you that you is doing it all wrong.”

Hey, I ain’t talking about the sincere brothers I’m talking about the ones who milk their parents for every last penny because they are...’the puttars’.

After 30 days of solitude he emerges having learnt about peace and tranquility. This it seems has not rubbed off on him or his crew.

Eid day arrives and junglee is let loose. Full throttle. All of a sudden he is back to being the idiot he always was.

Putting his foot down in a 20mph zone, harassing other people’s sisters and generally being a chicken neck rude boy.

Eid Mubarak bro....just stay the **** away from me.