If there is one thing we Asians love to do it is get one over a fellow brother. But then again if you can’t beat them just copy them.

Asians are the copycat kings of the planet.

Ever since the day we stepped out of the village, gave up the cow patties, changed out of our shalwar kameez and put a suit on we have had this incessant need to prove to the next man that we are in fact ‘business people’.

No you ain’t – you are the same Paindu farmer you always were but now you don’t stink of muck at the end of the day.

One guy opens a shop and we wait around to see if it is a success.

If it is then we are in business too.

We open an identical shop on the other side of town and start selling the same stuff but for half the price.

Our stuff is rubbish but who cares. We know that regardless of anything else Asians will always buy the cheapest stuff on the menu.

But if there is one lesson I have always learned, it is that life will always come and bite you in the bund.

The copycat gets done over by someone else who not only opens the same shop but does it directly opposite.

This soon evolves into a monumental battle where each man tries his best to outwit other through the strong use of ‘Asian stares’ and ‘Desi gossip’. We may lose vast amounts of money but at least we didn’t lose our izzat (respect).

The real weasels among us copy everything. Bloke opens mithai shop….we open two. He puts a charity Facebook post up we do the same. He perfects a curry dish – we pass ours off as the same one..but ten pence cheaper. He buys a Mercedes we buy a Landrover…but then a Mercedes for the wife.

It doesn’t stop there. We love to copy hairstyles, holidays, houses and clothes.

If it looks good on someone else then it will certainly look good on me.

The fact is we don’t want to do the hard work of setting anything up that might fail. We would rather some other poor bugger takes the risk and we just copy the hell out of it at a later date for next to nothing.

But do you know who makes me do ultee (vomit) in my mouth? It is the copy queen.

This sad excuse for a woman will pretend it was the other people who copied her. Yes, there is no finer feeling than flaunting your originality at an Asian wedding and making people believe you came up with the whole idea. Sure you did.