A new breed these mothers and they are making our lives hell.

Now, we Asians like to have guests over but there is nothing worse than a silent visitor. I hate these guys.

You know the sort. They are only there because they had to drive their mum, their wife or both to your house.

As is the custom the women will sit in one room and the blokes have to host the stranger.

Now, it wouldn’t be so bad if the stranger made some conversation. Nowadays, the hours are taken up by this smartly dressed fellow tapping away on his i-phone.

He likes to give the impression that he is really busy and is running some business somewhere.

I had one of these guys round recently. He sat there and simply said ‘yes’ and ‘no’ to each question. After ten minutes I gave up.

Being a kid is the worst. You have to sit with this middle aged gentlemen for what seems like an eternity. Every two minutes he asks, ‘Snah Phir’ (so tell me..) and then sighs, scratches himself in the nether region, picks his nose and wipes his hands on your sofa armrest.

The embarrassing silence is only broken when you bring him some tea.

Sometimes an elder comes in and they proceed to have a laugh at your expense and your lack of culture.

The whole process is made even more annoying when there are two different silent visitors. Each one is as arrogant as the other.

And why is it all these visitors tend to be the Mercedes Benz driving types? An Asian with a bit of money is the worst type of silent Asian.

They sit there staring at the TV and then they do the thing that silent visitors do best – when they get a phone call and they walk outside to take the call.

Yes, this phone call is so important that one must take it outside the front room. They act as if the president himself is calling them.

All of a sudden this ******* of a man is laughing and pretending to be the most popular guy on the planet.

Ten minutes later – he returns, sits down and the silence continues.