Stare

Simple rule…Asian man stares…Asian woman in cardigan stares even more.

Staring is an art my friends and I am an expert at it. I normally like to stare at passers-by for no apparent reason. When turning left at a junction…I stare at whoever is in the other car.

I am in a car park and spot a couple in another vehicle. I must stare to ensure they know they have been spotted.

Hey, so what if no-one else is in the car park. I will stare and you WILL like it.

Sometimes I stare whilst I am walking and will begin the stare at approximately five metres.

As we pass I will stare not once but three times. If you look back that means I am handsome. If you don’t then you are too ugly and I didn’t want to know you anyway.

The best stare is the standing stare. Here, one must actually stand still and watch for a couple of minutes.

This has to be the most annoying stare ever but do I care? Only professional starers can pull this and off and you should only attempt this if you are in your fifties and look the part.

The only thing I hate is when I come across another person who stares as much I do. We can be passing each other in a car and we will end-up staring each other out.

This battle of the stares normally ends when the car moves or when one of us decides to mutter something under our breath.

The Asian woman who stares is a law unto herself. She normally just stares at other women (It is the done thing you see) and she will do it to demean you.

She will do it in such a way that you will feel her piercing into your soul.

The paranoid people are the best though. They can be sat somewhere and they think that someone is staring at them when they are not.

They then decide that you were staring at them and start to give the other brother grief for no reason.

The thing is…I stare because I am trying to recognise if I know you. That is the excuse I use anyway but truthfully I’m just a bit of a pervert.