Dear Massi, I am having second thoughts about getting married.

Me and my fiancée have been together for two years so I know her pretty well.

The thing is, I have only seen her in her home environment since the engagement and I have seen such a different side to her.

I didn’t realise how spoilt she was until I went there for dinner.

Her mum served the food into her plate for her. She asked her mum to refill her drink.

She didn’t even help clear up at the end. I was embarrassed and I put the plates into the dishwasher.
When her mum praised me for being so helpful, my fiancée shouted at her mum for making her look bad in front of me. 

She shouted so much and said some really nasty things, that her mum ended up crying.

I didn’t say anything at first because I was so shocked, but what surprised me was that her brother and dad acted like this was just another normal evening.

Eventually I spoke up and told my fiancee that I could not respect someone who was so rude to her mum. 
My fiancée then started crying, acting as if she was the victim. I didn’t fall for her tears and I walked out of the house.

Since then, her mum rang me asking me to please marry her daughter. I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty about letting the mum down as she really is a lovely woman. 

But I know I cannot marry someone who I have seen to be as selfish and heartless as she is. What do you think?

Massi says, As well as you thought you knew your fiancée, it has become apparent to you that you are quite different.

We are all guilty of behaving in a more uninhibited way when we are within the comfort of our own home. 

However, this does not excuse the kind of tantrum thrown by your fiancée. Her inability to acknowledge her behaviour only serves to exacerbate the matter.  It is understandable that you feel a sense of duty and loyalty towards her mother, but it is her daughter that you had planned to live with.

If you are questioning your compatibility at this stage of your relationship, it is time to for you to have an honest conversation with your fiancée about your reservations and whether you feel you have a future together.