I didn't want to do it, but I didn't know how to stop it.

I blamed myself. I told myself, what did he expect, I am here alone with him, in a hotel room, wearing a little dress, what else was he supposed to think was going to happen?

I didn't think I had the choice to say no.

I kept telling myself, he's a man and this is a natural need for men. I shouldn't have come up here with him, but it was too late to stop it all.

I was afraid of his reaction if I pushed him away.

So I let it happen.

And I cried on the way home, alone.

When he called me the next day, I told him I couldn't see him again and I admitted regretting what had happened the night before.

He told me there was no need for me to act like the innocent Asian girl now and try and pin any blame on him.

He even said I was the one who was up for it and no decent girl would have come up to a hotel room like that.

Before he hung up on me, he said he would never have a future with someone as easy as me anyway.

I was so upset anyway and then to be slut shamed was devastating. 

I don't know how to get over this .

And I don't know how I will ever trust a man again.

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