Nobody wants to be labelled the weak one, or the one that put shame on the family with their mental health problems, making it increasingly difficult to treat and forcing those unlucky members of the community to suffer in silence. A special report by Alima Nadeem.

Living in this way can be dangerous and gives young people in the Asian community the understanding that to have depression, anxiety or any other mental health related illness, is a mark against them, a form of weakness which they will be shunned for. 

Many people in the community have gone through or are still experiencing this, and to combat the stigma of mental health in the Asian community, they now work hard to encourage people to not only come forward to admit it, but to get help and not be ashamed, as this will often make their situation a lot worse.

It’s not easy when things happen that can start off the spiral of mental health issues, but 43-year-old make-up artist KSAVI – full name Ksavi Joshi – says ‘life doesn’t stop’. This is the motto she preaches to get through every day. 

The make-up artist – or MUA – has worked with a number of people over the years, including Bollywood actress Sonam Kapoor. It’s not wrong to say she has been successful, but life has not always been kind to her.

After experiencing infant loss, the proud mother said: “Some people didn’t know what to say, and now I know that’s okay, not everyone knows how to deal with loss. Some people close enough would just call to say hello or ask me out for lunch or a coffee.”

She was not shunned but talked about how she was expected to be okay after losing a child. 

She added: “Someone would come and ask me if I wanted to go out, and I was like ‘but I’ve just lost a child’. It wasn’t easy to deal with.”

Despite this, she got through her toughest times, and surprisingly to some, make-up was a big factor in her healing process. She said: “Being a make-up artist has helped me to creatively release and express my emotions in a way that I didn’t think was possible. 

“Whether that was writing about Beauty or doing makeovers. I get a lot of satisfaction helping others in their own confidence through the power of makeup.
“It was a form of therapy for me, I could become this sad person or try and fix myself for the sake of my kids. They didn’t understand either when they lost a brother, but it’s something you have to deal with.”

Now, she helps other women going through similar things as she did. She understands the pain of losing a child, and being the mum to nine-year-old Avi, and two-year-old Kai, she says they never forget about baby Shivai, who she lost at eight months.

Everyone grieves differently, but the make-up artist has wise words for anyone who is suffering.

“I’d say don’t be hesitant to seek help whether professional or with a trusted person,” she said. “Keeping it bottled inside will at some point manifest into sickness or stress. 

“Get back into routine as quickly as you can, daily tasks help you to accept a new way of living and processing things. Occupy your mind with a hobby, exercise or perhaps yoga or meditation, that’s what I did. 

“And don’t be afraid to learn to self-love. Loving yourself is the biggest form of helping yourself. “

The Asian community often do not understand what causes mental health, and if they do, expect people to be okay after a while.

Understanding mental health can be a long-term thing is difficult, and that’s why KSAVI thinks it is important to find something to do that will keep them afloat and find loving family members who do understand.

Why do men feel so ashamed to speak out?

For a man, it can feel as if their male dominance is no longer valid. How can you be a man if your mind is weak? 

Pharmacist and owner of Chemist Click, Abbas Kanani has spoken about his experience of mental health and how his family and the community reacted to it.

He said: “I wouldn’t open up to my community about it as I feel there still is a stigma attached to mental health and any issues associated with it. I wish I could and that more people who have ever suffered from any mental health issues did, as it’s the right thing to do. 

“By opening up you’re potentially paving the way for others to open up about their struggles and seek help, but I personally don’t feel ready to talk about it. I hope in time I can, and that I can inspire others to get help.”

After losing his mum, Abbas went through the grieving process slowly. At first, being away at university when it happened was a means to escape having to accept she was no longer there, but after finishing, it hit him hard. 

Although, his family have been quite supportive, not everyone was as understanding in the community.

He said: “There isn’t even a word for mental health in any of the South Asian languages. I feel like there’s a general routine that needs to be followed in the sense that we must get good grades, go to university, get a good degree, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids and the cycle starts over again. 

“Especially within the older generation, there’s your status and hierarchy that has to be maintained, and by disrupting this cycle, you may be bringing shame upon your family.

“We need to realise as a community that this pressure or not achieving what is ‘expected from you’ can affect your mental health, and we need to do more to raise awareness and make it acceptable for people to speak up. 

“Asian communities, organisations, charities and influencers need to speak up and we need to do more collectively as a community so that people know it’s only human to go through things like this in life.”

The pharmacist hopes that more people will start to come forward as times change, and says that although they do not offer mental health services at Chemist Click, they can put people in the right direction if need be. 

He said: “We offer a remote prescribing service where patients have access to treatments online that they may feel embarrassed talking to someone in person about.”

“Conditions such as acne, hair loss and erectile dysfunction can have a detrimental impact on a person’s mental health, and we offer online treatments for these conditions. 

“We also have a chat feature that is manned by a pharmacist, where we offer advice and also sign point to other services such as counselling if need be.

What the experts say

Psychologist Noreen Shami, from Birmingham, sheds light on some of the issues with getting treatment and finding the right one. 

The 40-year-old said: “There is a stigma, and people worry so much about what other people will think of them. There is very little understanding, and what people don’t realise is that having mental health problems are actually normal.”

Speaking about the process of getting help, she said: “The doctor is your first point of call, but many people don’t go because they’re scared, all the doctor wants is to help you. Not everybody gets medication, and often they’ll send you to counselling. 

“It’s always confidential, and there’s so many services available like one-to-one counselling, phone calls, text services, it’s all available. You can phone the Samaritan helpline and again your identity will not be revealed.”

The psychologist accepts that 1-2-1 counselling can be the last resort and harder to get because the NHS is currently experiencing massive cuts and does not have the means to find solutions for everyone quickly, which means some people end up waiting up to six months before getting any help.

She said: “The NHS is really stretched, but online services are all there if anyone needs it in the meantime. Or you can go private. However, some people in the Asian community cannot write, so phone calls to Asian helplines become more useful.”

Noreen added, “People in the Asian community sometimes put mental health issues down to jinns, and countless times I’ve seen they try to get rid of it through exorcisms, but fail to understand that it’s psychology.

"They think hearing voices is a Jinn, when it can be schizophrenia, and those are the service users I work with.”

Helpline for women

Nazmin Akhtar is the vice-chairwoman of the Muslim Women’s Network, who also run a helpline to allow Asian women to anonymously talk about their problems. 

However, she says that often people do not come forward about mental health problems, but rather it is something they uncover along the way.

The 31-year-old said: “Callers will speak about a primary issue lie abuse, and then mental health will be a secondary issue. 

“This could be due to the stigma attached to it, calling for help is admitting a weakness. Mental health is an illness we need to be more understanding with.

“Some people will even tell themselves they’re depressed but not mentally unwell, and this misunderstanding can make things worse. Often we find people aren’t willing to get help because they could be in denial.”

Nazmin’s own brother was diagnosed as bipolar, which she says caused a strain on her family with the rest of the Asian community.

She said:“My parents were in denial, they tried all the faith healers with their exorcism techniques, because they were afraid someone would find out.

“We became the victims of hate-crimes, people told my mum she needed to get me married off as soon as possible before it was too late. We were treated like criminals. Some people said it was a punishment for our sins, it was really hurtful.”

Nazmin stood by her brother throughout everything, and still does. She uses her experiences to help others going through difficult things like this. 

Speaking about what needs to be done in order for the stigma to slowly be removed, she said: “We need service providers to do better. 

“People need the options of both medication and therapy, and understanding parents, especially because people think they are betraying their family by going to counselling. 

“Sometimes, when parents do not want to let their child seek help, it could be because they are hiding something deeper, family secrets that may spill out.

“When people do speak out, they get a negative response, and this makes it harder for people who want to speak to someone but are scared of what could happen.”

What some members of the Asian community also struggle with, is that something does not need to necessarily happen in order for someone to be depressed. 

It can just be a chemical imbalance, and often people will not be able to give reasons as to why they feel the way they do. What they don’t need though, is to be told that what they are feeling cannot be valid if there is no reason.

Nazmin mentions the MWN's is the first point of call for some, as they can ring up for something else, and mention the mental health problem alongside it. 

This is helpful in particular to Muslim women who may not want to speak to anyone else and would feel more comfortable talking to other Muslim women.