Aspiring middle class Asian Brothers (and sisters) sometimes say ‘let me check my diary’ or ‘I am/have been really busy’.

The subtext is always on how important they are along side the obviousness of how that importance has been missed. It ends up making one feel dirty, unwanted and regretful for ever asking.

Diaries and time have an underlying theory behind them and until brothers and sisters understand it will continue to be embarrassing for all.

Let me explain: diaries are buffers that separate the middle from the working class or the important from the less important. A subtle difference between the classes is their attitude towards time.

For the working class time is like good news – it is to be shared and they don’t keep ‘diaries’ as such.

Working class people know that is happening in broad terms over the next seven day – an hour here of there makes no difference.

The middle classes however have seemingly perfected the week to a minute or so. They give the impression of great efficiency and make outsiders feel almost intruding in their busy lives.

One cautiously approaches a middle class person for a date and one braces oneself to be told ‘I have a slot in twelve years at 11:37am’, to which one might gasp and say ‘bloody ‘ell you seem busy’.

What we fail to realize (or at least I did until recently) it’s a polite way to of saying ‘no’.

If there is any meaning to the phrase ‘death by faint praise’ it’s this – not quite free to move on nor will anything meaningful to be delivered but you hang on in hope nevertheless – simply withering away.

I have years of experience of being hung high and dry over and over again.

My issue is that to have people ‘hang on’ for you is a skill – its not easy to create the paradoxical fascination of waiting based on the odd logic that if the person is so busy surely he must be worth it.

There are brothers and sisters masquerading as if they have mastered this paradox. Self-help books are not the answer. It’s not that easy and you end up looking foolish as if wearing a Rolex that’s running five minutes ahead. I don’t wear a watch or otherwise I would by happy with Timex. No pretence.

It’s a case of a large shadow of a small being. Let’s call a spade a spade.

Don’t be fooling yourself. Important people never say they are busy – they just make you wait a year or two.