No he can’t. We all know he can’t do wrong because he is after all the puttar.

This golden rule has kept us in good stead for many years and one which had obviously led to the state of affairs we are in.

The thing with puttar is, he knows he is going to get away with anything so he decides to take the ****. Puttar has it all. He gets the money, he gets the freedom and he gets the respect. What does he do with it? He ****** it away.

The daughter of the house has a strand of hair out of place and all hell breaks loose but puttar can smash a £100k car whilst stoned out of his skull - but ‘it’s just one of those things’.

Okay, listen up. The problem begins with parents not wanting to admit their own boy can do anything wrong.

Normally it is the women of the house who think the sun shines out of their boy’s ****.

Look, your offspring is a son of a *****. That’s his problem. He doesn’t care who or what he annoys because he knows mama is going to clean up the mess later.

He walks around as if he owns the town and behaves like some cheap gangster because when he gets up in the morning mama makes his breakfast, mama cleans his clothes, mama gives him more food, mama cleans his room and mama says he is getting married to a beautiful girl from back home even though he looks like Shrek.

And bro let me add some more grade ‘A’ garam masala into the handee (pot)…it is the Pakistanis who do this.

Oh yes. You know it and I know it.

You only get serious attitude from the one nationality and when you tell the parents they end up blaming you because they believe this massive conspiracy theory about how their son was let down by the system.

Strangely enough this is the same system everyone else has to put up with.

The Gujeratis might stiff you out of a few thousand quid or get you involved in a Ponzi scheme but at least they won’t batter you with a bat in the process.

It is always someone else’s fault because to admit this requires you to do some actual work.

And do you know what the worst thing is? We love to compare don’t we?

Your own boy will be stealing hub caps for a living but when someone else’s child does something wrong we are all over it like an Asian wedding guest on the starters.

Here’s some advice for the summer holidays. Make the boy earn his respect rather than hand it to him on a plate.