Some of us like to spend time in our own bathroom. Others just prefer to spend time in other people’s bathrooms.

I, my dear Last Bit pals, fall into the latter category. I am what you might call a ‘bathroom basher’.

I like to go to other people’s homes and spend time in their bathrooms. It gives me great pleasure to use the toilet and then make a mess.

‘Brother, I need to use your bathroom for wudu (ablution)’.

This is just an excuse really.

I then make sure the bathroom floor, ceiling and all the walls are completely drenched. Water must be everywhere apart from the sink itself.

A great little touch is to leave the towel dripping wet and placed conveniently on the floor near the door.

The piece de resistance sees me wet a toothbrush..they won’t know whether you used it or not.

The beauty is no-one can complain. And no-one bats an eyelid when I proceed to shake everyone’s hands...whilst my hands are still wet.

Other times, I ask to visit the bathroom and spend a whole hour in there. My hosts are trying to figure out whether to knock on the door or just let me be.

‘How longs Cha Cha (uncle) been in the bath?’... ‘Far too long’.

For bonus points one should try to make gargling noises when using the bathroom.

This really puts the hosts in their place. Proceed to gargle loudly and spit. Repeat several times until one is completely satisfied the sinuses are clear.

I sometimes leave the door slightly ajar and the precise moment someone is walking past use both my figures to squeeze my nose and remove phlegm into the sink. Lovely.

Another good trick is to completely block the toilet with tissue paper. One cannot use enough tissue paper – the more you use the better a human being you are.

When I am feeling particularly cruel I ask to use the bathroom moments before leaving. Here, I am free to leave a memory for the family. They will remember the day they crossed the ‘Bathroom Basher’.