The richer you are the more kanjoos (stingy) you are bro...

There are three kinds of rich Asians... the ones that get rich and don’t forget they were once poor. The ones that get rich fast and then do ‘show-sha’ and share their good fortune. And then there are the ones who take the complete mickey out of everyone by talking it big but keep their pockets well and truly shut.

The most demeaning type of rich Asian is this type...he wants you to know how poor you are but at the same time he wants ‘respect’ for having more money than you. Yes, respect me so ‘cause I got ‘mores money than yous’. Is he likely to share that money with you in any way? Is he hell like.

But then the real kanjoos da puttar will pull up in a Roller and then still ask for a discount from his local grocers. It’s all about saving that extra penny.

In the olden days this type of rich Asian normally frequented these parts from London town. They would drive up in their Mercedes and talk it big about how northern folk were stupid inbreeds and how ‘everyone in London is so much more refined’.

A day later Mr Big Shot was buying two shoes for a quid down at the market and stealing Tesco baked beans tins from your cupboard.

Times may have changed but the habits of rich Asian are alive and well.

Nowadays, rich Asian just likes the sound of his own voice. He will give it large about how great he is...and then at the end of the evening make a sharp exit when it comes to paying the bill.

The female version of the rich Asian is worse than the male species. She thinks she is some sort of princess. ‘We went to Dubai and stayed in the Burj-al-Arab...we thought it was okay’...Well next time take me and my family with you then and I’m sure we will enjoy it - you self-obsessed, shades wearing, Land Rover driving, Arabian perfume-smelling, too much marble in the house, bling phone-holding, sad excuse for a Musalmaan.

Despite all of this do you know who the worst of the lot are? The ones who still dress and behave like paupers and have 10 houses on rent. They claim poverty all the time but when there is an offer on they are first in the queue.

You meet them and before you can say ‘Hey, you said the poppadoms were free’, they begin to moan about life dealt them a cruel blow. Secretly they have £200k stashed away under the bed setee. **** em.