If there is one thing that sets us apart from other breeds on this planet is that we love paying for guests.

Okay not everyone, but on the whole the Mexican stand-off that occurs when it comes to paying the bill after a restaurant meal has to be the eighth wonder of the world.

All is going well and the two happy groups have settled down to eat at a restaurant. At the end of the meal the two senior gentlemen get up to pay for the meal. And here is where the fun starts.

If it is a group of males then everyone runs to the cash till. We proceed to state the most pointless excuses ever invented.

“Listen I will pay as you have come to my town.”

“Why are you disrespecting me? – I told you I would pay.”

‘Look, you can pay next time when you invite us out.”

Several times one man puts the money down and the other one picks it up and slams his money down.

Then they both start holding hands and arguing over the money. A third gentleman who is not footing the bill then tries to intervene.

But it is no use, the argument has reached a new level. One guy is now placing the money down and walking away whilst another is picking it up and placing his money there instead.

The best moment is when one diner tries to force the money back in to his friend’s top pocket.

Oh yes, the sheer petulance of the man.

‘Don’t take any money from him!’ exclaims the first guy.

The cashier with the ‘I’ve just arrived in England’ smile can do nothing but stand there.

He is used to these incidents and patiently waits until the whole drama has finished. You will notice he will never take the money at first.

Sometimes the argument lasts less than ten seconds. This normally occurs when one of the two gentleman is a kujoos da puttar (son of a miser).

Other times the whole argument between the two men is a false. One is hoping the other will pay but each doesn’t want it to seem to let on he doesn’t have the money.

Finally, one ends up paying and the other secretly breaths a sigh of relief.