Dear Massi, I recently had a nikah ceremony in Pakistan to a guy who is eight years younger to me.
When the proposal came, I did mention the age difference to my parents but no one understood me. I got carried away and was unable to take a stand for myself. I have a weak personality and my father has always been very strict.
I now regret my decision. I already have depression due to a number of other reasons and this decision of mine has made my condition even worse.
I dislike communicating with my spouse through texts and it is obvious that his main aim is to get a visa so that he can support his family back home. His texts do not seem to be genuine because he claims to miss me but he hardly knows me. We have only met twice!
My family will be applying for the spouse visa and I am secretly hoping that it gets refused. I do not wish to proceed with this.
Even if the first visa gets refused, my father will keep on trying and make sure this gets through.
Massi says, This is a very difficult matter that is unfortunately prevalent in today’s society.
Added with having pressures from family and dealing with strict parents can become overwhelming. However the situation that you are faced with has to be dealt with in a tactful and mature manner.
I would advise to get to know your husband as much as possible while he is in Pakistan.
Whether it is the simple things like his favourite clothes, or what type of things he likes to do.
Ask what he knows about the UK. However it should be taken into consideration knowing someone by phone calls and text messages is entirely different to getting to know someone in person.
You mentioned that he misses you even though you have only met twice.
This is not an uncommon feeling. Your husband may genuinely be happy that he is married to you. This feeling of euphoria can happen very quickly and last for a period of months.
Regarding your mental state of mind. There are organisations that you can speak to discreetly. If this is not something that you are comfortable with doing, then perhaps speaking to friends or family that you trust will be helpful.
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