Dear Massi, I’ve been with my partner for quite some time and we’re due to be getting married. 

I met his brother for the first time this year and have been getting to know him so he can approve of our relationship. 

He has been flirtatious with me and admitted to it, but now after finding out we went out for dinner he has started brainwashing my partner and mentioning all the things that are wrong about me that aren’t ideal for a wife. 

He has blatantly said that if I don’t ‘fix up’ then we shouldn’t get married. 

He didn’t say this to my face, he said it to my partner as soon as I left the room. 

My partner now feels that I need to change and just listen to him and all his family, no questions asked because it is what a good daughter-in-law should do.

It’s worrying me because now I’m scared of making a mistake in case we can’t get married. 

I’ve no idea how to tackle the situation, please help.

Massi says, It appears you are having to change every aspect of yourself in order to become what your fiancee deems to be an ideal wife and daughter-in-law.

Going into a marriage where you are scared of making a mistake in your behaviour will only lead to increased tension and stress.

Your fiance's wish to control you at this stage of your relationship will only exacerbate once you are married.

It is worrying that you are scared to be yourself around the man who you hope to spend the rest of your life with.

If he cannot accept you for who you are, then it is not your responsibility to accommodate his desires and adapt your personality.

You deserve to be happy and to be loved for who you are, not what someone else wants you to be.