Dear Massi, I was in a relationship for almost over three years with a drug dealer and user.
I felt the most happiest with him and believed him to be my everything. I couldn’t imagine living without him. However, like all relationships we had arguments. He would sometimes get physical when I would turn up to his place to sort out problems out face to face.
Also, he would ask money from me for his unlawful antics, which I would give.
He would then return it in installments but then ask again for a double sum promising he’d pay it back.
I then got married to him, without my parents permission as they found it highly embarrassing and insulting to associate themselves with him as he is well known in the area for the wrong reasons.
I was 9 weeks pregnant when he slapped me, and I called the police and left. It was a decision I made in the heat of anger.
I suffered a miscarriage, and I’m now at my parents house. Its been 4 months since we separated, and I’m really depressed living without him.
I wish to go back, but my parents have given me the ultimatum ,it’s him or us.
What do you advise me in this situation? Do you not feel my parents are being unjust?
Massi says, The relationship you have described with your husband before and during marriage is a toxic and harmful one.
He has been physically violent against you on several occasions.
Returning to him would only encourage him to think this kind of behaviour is acceptable.
Ask yourself how you would feel if a baby was brought up with a physically violent father who was also a drug dealer.
Whilst you are upset that your parents have given you an ultimatum, understand that they are seeing their daughter get hurt and abused by a man, and the ultimatum is simply their exasperation that you would willingly put yourself in a position of danger again when all they are doing is trying to keep you safe.
You said that you left your husband in a moment of anger, but remember, this was not the first time he used physical violence against you.
It is understandable that you are feeling depressed, but it is important to see that continuing a relationship with this man will allow him to continue these self-destructive patterns of behaviour.
Before you rush into a decision, I would advise you to speak to your GP and tell them you are feeling depressed. Your GP can then forward you to a therapist who would be equipped to help you through this.
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