Dear Massi, I have been married for two years and am now thinking about having a baby. 

I am 32-years-old, and I want to have two or three children, so I think it is the right time to start now.

When I spoke to my husband, he told me kids were never the plan and he is just not interested in having a family now or ever.

I know we never discussed this before marriage. I just assumed it was the natural course of our lives.

I feel cheated. If he felt so strongly about this, he should have told me beforehand.

We have been arguing about this a lot and it has honestly consumed our lives.

To put an end to the argument, he got himself a vasectomy. 

He only told me after the procedure. I am a religious person and believe strongly against divorce. Now I feel I have no choice.

I am feeling hurt and confused and would like some impartial advice.

Massi says, It is natural for you to feel shocked and hurt by your husband’s revelation.

It is his choice to not have a family and that is his prerogative, but as you rightly point out, this should have been shared with you before making the decision to get married.

Ideally it is better to talk about one’s expectations and why you might or might not want children.

Furthermore, your husband should have discussed his life altering surgery with you before going ahead with it.

He has made his stance clear. 

It is up to you to now decide whether you should stay in a relationship where you will harbour a seething resentment of a lost chance of being a mother, or ending the relationship and starting fresh in a more transparent manner with a man who is more compatible with you.