Dear Massi, I am sick of the tension between my wife and my mum.

My wife is always turning everything my mum says into a negative. 

She says I can’t see how nasty my mum is because I am blinded by loyalty and she is my mum after all.

I never call my mum in front of my wife anymore as she always creates a problem after listening to the phone call. I have to hide to do it.

The last time I visited my mum, I ended up eating dinner there. 

My wife kicked off saying my mum purposely didn’t invite her to the dinner and that she had wasted her time and energy cooking for me, even though I came home and still ate my wife’s food so she wouldn’t feel bad.

Now my wife is telling me I am not allowed to eat at my mum’s house any more.

I am at a loss for what to do.

Massi says, You are in an incredibly difficult and unfair position. 

You simply cannot keep playing the role of mediator between your wife and mother.

Reassure your wife that your relationship with your mother does not affect your relationship with her.

Tell your wife clearly how she is making you feel and that you will not be coerced into compromising your relationship with your mother.

Explain that you would not impose the same restriction on her with her family.