There is a particular type of person who goes around to all the gatherings (purris, khatums, mate gatherings, and lately BBQs) dispensing a certain irritating wisdom of “xyz should be happening” or “we should be doing xyz”.

The ‘inclusion of the we’ and the omission of the ‘I’ is the clue.

There is a golden rule which one only appreciates with experience – the more a person talks about an issue the less likely he is going to act. It’s subtle but it is there.

You are looking for absence of concrete things like dates, times and costs.

I might design a course in spotting this conversation or perhaps there should be a course in it? See the subtle difference!

I absolved personal responsibility by saying ‘there should be’. Stick with me – you will learn a lot.

These individuals are caught up in a purgatory state of waiting and waiting. I call this an ‘interdependency’. It’s a new word I just made up. Let me explain with an example: Lala Yousuf comes to my house and says, “We should be doing something to a particular problem”.

He believes the council should have a bit of funding available to help with the equipment.

“On the face of it, it seems a good idea but experience suggests you may have to be cruel to be kind.

“Seems good Lala, when you have made an appointment with the council let me know and I will come with you.”

I watch Lala’s face become puzzled, his mouth a little twisted and he leans back a fraction. He is in disarray. He came to ‘dump’ the issue on someone and he has failed.

He is stuck. Lala has demonstrated the ‘interdependency’ state – unable to confess dependency by asking directly for help nor able to follow a course of action on his own.

In another life I would have picked up the phone on his behalf, fumbled to the right person in the Town Hall, explained things and booked an appointment but come the day, Lala would have had an emergency and not make it.

Embarrassed, I would go it alone and give feedback and arrange the next appointment. Lala would have another emergency.

On the third meeting Lala would arrive 45 minutes late. I would be left holding the baby. I have wised up.

(Lala Yousaf = totally made-up name)