A fatal attraction (From Asian Image)

A fatal attraction

12:18pm Sunday 21st January 2007 in News features By Tanzeel Akhtar

At what point does a simple admiration for someone turn into something more sinister? Tanzeel Akhtar explores the growing problem of stalking in the community.

Victims of harassment and obsessive stalking may suffer in silence, feeling helpless and threatened.

A stalker can be anyone who lives close to you, a work colleague or an ex-lover who can't let go. Some may have the scary mentality, if I can't have you no-one else can.

It is a very serious matter and can cause victims, male or female, long term psychological harm.

Sometimes an innocent exchange between two individuals can lead to a one-sided, seriously sinister obsession.

At some point in our lives we have all had a crush on that certain someone, behaving foolishly and facing rejection; we live and learn, and move on.

Lusting after someone who does not share similar feelings may be frustrating and sadly the persistent person may not realise the discomfort and distress they are causing.

Sara, a warehouse operative, aged 22, says: "I used to feel really threatened by one particular man at work. He would make a point of walking past me muttering things under his breath. At first I thought he was harmless, creepy and shy.

"But things started to get serious. He would follow me into town when I went on lunch breaks. When I told my friends they just laughed and said I was being paranoid. I felt embarrassed and thought maybe I was over reacting."

One main problem victims may face is the fear of being ridiculed and not being taken seriously.

"But then he started leaving me letters and I even had my car sabotaged a few times. In the end I'd had enough. I dreaded going to work.

"I finally snapped and reported everything to my manager, who was very supportive and handled things well. I had kept the letters and gifts as proof. After he was given a serious warning I wasn't harassed again."

Around 90% of stalkers are usually male. But this was not the case with Rav, aged 25. "My ex-girlfriend just couldn't let go, she was a stunning girl but really manipulative. She was furious when I tried to finish our relationship.

"She started blackmailing me and threatening me, saying she'd go to her older brothers and tell them I'd harassed and hurt her.

"I ended things because she was from a strict Muslim background and I'm Hindu. We had kept our relationship a secret, which was frustrating. It wasn't going anywhere and I wanted to move on."

"Once she rang to say she was going to slash her wrists or take an overdose if I didn't speak to her. She'd follow me around university. The girl made my life living hell."

Rav felt helpless and cornered in a powerless situation.

"She'd pop up in the same bars and clubs. It was messy. Usually I try and stay on good terms with all my ladies but this one was far out, dangerous.

"In the end I had to go to her brothers myself and come clean with them. I was scared but if I didn't someone was going to get hurt sooner or later.

"Anyway she was really embarrassed when she found out her brothers knew. We avoid each other like the plague no. It's awkward. But she has put me off having a relationship with other women."

Every individual is entitled to privacy. Invading another's space, threatening someone with unwanted messages and attention is harassment.

If a person says no, then that should be the end of any further communication. If an individual persists to pester then it is important to report any threatening activities which make you feel uneasy. Disturbing behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud and resolved.

Stalkers can seem harmless but some may be mentally ill. It is better to be safe than sorry and to report any seriously threatening behavio