What happens when on the day of your marriage you are told that your husband is not who he said he was?

That in fact he was only getting married to appease his parents.

Samiya, (not her real name) a 28-year-old teacher had her marriage arranged with a well-respected lawyer. Unbeknown to her or her family, her husband was using this marriage as a tool to continue his covert life that his own family would never otherwise accept.

“On the night of my rukhsati my husband told me he could not consummate the marriage as he already had a girlfriend who he loved dearly.”

“I was heartbroken. I could never admit this to my family.

“What could I tell them? That he spends most nights in another woman’s home.

“He would come home to me occasionally, usually if it coincided with a davat or a visit to his family.

“We had separate bedrooms. And completely separate lives.”

As Samiya’s marriage continued its skeletal existence, she sought solace in a colleague.

“It was after my husband told me that his girlfriend was pregnant.

“In hindsight, that was the moment I should have left.

“But I come from a traditional family. And their advice, as it remains even now, is that I should pray for him to get on the right path, and make dua that he comes back to me.

“I started talking to a male colleague at work.

“That’s all we ever did. Just talk. Perhaps that meant a level of emotional dependency.

“Maybe it was even an emotional affair. I don’t know.

“But what I do know is that I needed someone to talk to. Talking to him was therapeutic. My sanity was being compromised by the all-consuming lie that I was living.”

Her colleague continued to build their friendship, often texting each other late into the night.

“When my husband took his girlfriend and their baby away for a weekend, I invited my friend over to my house for dinner.

“It was completely harmless. He was always respectful of all barriers.

“But my husband returned home early after a fight with his girlfriend.”

Samiya was subsequently vilified. Even when she exposed her husband’s secret life, that revelation was considered a scapegoat, to cover up for the fact that she was allegedly having an affair.

“All of a sudden he became well versed in his religion, telling my family that it was haram for me to have been in a room alone like that with another man. That my befriending a man was the biggest betrayal a Muslim woman could inflict on her husband.

“And as for his girlfriend and the baby, they all blamed me and said he had no choice but to turn to another woman as I was apparently frigid and would not fulfil my obligations as a wife in bed.

“It was one extreme to the other, first I’m a completely evil temptress for having a man over, and when it suited then, they turned me into a woman with the inability to please her husband in bed.”

After a local Imam was consulted, Samiya was left even further dejected.

“The Imam stated very clearly that I should allow my husband to marry his girlfriend. And that I should stay married to him to void a social scandal, but let my husband live his life with his girlfriend.

“I was even told that the sin of my husband’s illegitimate child was my fault for not being accommodating enough.”

In the face of such distinct conflict between culture and religion, Samiya’s trajectory resulted in a divorce of blazing acrimony.

“I have put my past behind me. But what I still can’t get over is how my parents showed me such little support.

“If culture comes ahead of religion, how can we expect any sort of progress?"