With all the news coverage on Asian children being abducted by their parents and forced into marriages, I can't help but feel slightly defensive about the topic.
I'm not foolish enough to think this has been completely obliterated from Asian society but I'm also wise enough to know that the chances of it happening are next to none.
So why is it that I feel like I have a case to answer? To quote directly from the British police, "a clear distinction must be made between a forced marriage and an arranged marriage. In arranged marriages the families of both spouses take a leading role in arranging the marriage but the choice whether to accept the arrangement remains with the individuals.
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"In forced marriage at least one party does not consent to the marriage and some element of duress is involved."
Yet regardless of how many times I explain the difference between forced and arranged marriages to friends who if you believe statistics, represent the top 15% of the population when it comes to intelligence, they cannot separate the two.
If such supposedly learned people can't grasp the concept, what hope is there for the rest of us?
I'm not sure why we have the sudden hype surrounding forced marriages. The Government's campaign against forcing children into marriages began in the late 90's.
In June 2006, the Home Office decided that a law to ban forced marriages in the UK was not needed as the disadvantages of such a law would outweigh the advantages.
It was however no surprise when the Government performed the kind of U-turn it has now perfected and introduced the Forced Marriage (Civil Protection) Act in November of the same year.
So why after a decade since beginning a campaign, does the Government suddenly feel like it needs to make its presence felt?
And how did the Government go from deciding that a new law wasn't worth the bother to implementing such a law in the space of no less than five months, when it's taken them years to attempt to implement an ID card that is apparently vital to British security.
The eternal cynic within me would say this coincides with needing young, British Asian Muslim 'support' rather than giving misguided Muslims the chance to groom the eternally confused Asian Muslim. But then again, I'm no cynic.
The 1,000 reported cases of forced marriages since the year 2000 is a gross underestimation. Compare this to the gross underestimation of reported cases of domestic violence with the Women's Domestic Violence helpline receiving an average of 8,000 calls per year.
I know which is the bigger and potentially more life-threatening problem, yet it is the Indian-related issue that once again dominates the headlines.
Like I said, I'm no cynic but I can't seem to shake this feeling of being victimised by a Government that is making all the right helping sounds.
Many will argue that the two are inevitably intertwined and to an extent, I would be inclined to agree. But the discrepancy in reported numbers is too high for me to whole-heartedly believe this.
I am not naïve or brave enough to state that forced marriages are the figment of our cultural pasts.
No doubt those who have been involved in organising such a heinous crime should be jailed, or worse still, forced to marry against their will.
For those caught up in a forced marriage, words of sympathy that come from a woman epitomised by modern day living will mean nothing. And yet here I am claiming to know.
Posted by: Mill Hill Asian (we do exist), Blackburn on 11:58am Mon 14 Apr 08
A lot of young men/women are emotionally blackmailed into accepting their parent's choice. With reasons like eg. their standing in the clan will fall. Is this still classified as forcing? Traditionalists say that you can still say no in this instance, but the reality is the young man/woman feels it a dishonour to say no and will unwillingly accept. In my mind this is a forced marriage. A forced marriage needn't always mean that there is a gun pointing to your head.
A lot of young men/women are emotionally blackmailed into accepting their parent's choice. With reasons like eg. their standing in the clan will fall. Is this still classified as forcing? Traditionalists say that you can still say no in this instance, but the reality is the young man/woman feels it a dishonour to say no and will unwillingly accept. In my mind this is a forced marriage. A forced marriage needn't always mean that there is a gun pointing to your head.
Forced marriage and arranged marriages are TWO different things, both exist in the 21st century and whilst one is acceptable, the other most certainly is not. I am Asian myself, and I have to agree to a certain extent with Mill Hill Asian, you don't necessarily have to have a gun pointed to your head as I found out in India a couple of years ago. I was put under tremendous pressure by my family to accept a marriage proposal from a really nice guy, but a guy I didn't want to marry! There were no threats, no abuse, just emotional pressure, to the point I almost emailed a friend of mine in the UK to beg her to get me home somehow! Luckily my Dad realised I was about to implode under the pressure and he came to his senses, and my decision to turn down the young man's very flattering offer was accepted by all concerned. Looking back at my experience I now know I was very lucky, my family loved me enough not to treat me as chattel but what if their "honour" meant more than me as their daughter, it doesn't bear thinking about. There definitely should be laws to protect young people who don't have the kind of family that I am lucky enough to have, in the end cultural sensitivity should not be put before a person's wellbeing and safety, forced marriages perpetrate domestic violence in all its horrific guises and it needs to be stopped whenever and wherever possible.
Forced marriage and arranged marriages are TWO different things, both exist in the 21st century and whilst one is acceptable, the other most certainly is not. I am Asian myself, and I have to agree to a certain extent with Mill Hill Asian, you don't necessarily have to have a gun pointed to your head as I found out in India a couple of years ago. I was put under tremendous pressure by my family to accept a marriage proposal from a really nice guy, but a guy I didn't want to marry! There were no threats, no abuse, just emotional pressure, to the point I almost emailed a friend of mine in the UK to beg her to get me home somehow! Luckily my Dad realised I was about to implode under the pressure and he came to his senses, and my decision to turn down the young man's very flattering offer was accepted by all concerned. Looking back at my experience I now know I was very lucky, my family loved me enough not to treat me as chattel but what if their "honour" meant more than me as their daughter, it doesn't bear thinking about. There definitely should be laws to protect young people who don't have the kind of family that I am lucky enough to have, in the end cultural sensitivity should not be put before a person's wellbeing and safety, forced marriages perpetrate domestic violence in all its horrific guises and it needs to be stopped whenever and wherever possible.
Forced marriage and arranged marriages are TWO different things, both exist in the 21st century and whilst one is acceptable, the other most certainly is not. I am Asian myself, and I have to agree to a certain extent with Mill Hill Asian, you don't necessarily have to have a gun pointed to your head as I found out in India a couple of years ago. I was put under tremendous pressure by my family to accept a marriage proposal from a really nice guy, but a guy I didn't want to marry! There were no threats, no abuse, just emotional pressure, to the point I almost emailed a friend of mine in the UK to beg her to get me home somehow! Luckily my Dad realised I was about to implode under the pressure and he came to his senses, and my decision to turn down the young man's very flattering offer was accepted by all concerned. Looking back at my experience I now know I was very lucky, my family loved me enough not to treat me as chattel but what if their "honour" meant more than me as their daughter, it doesn't bear thinking about. There definitely should be laws to protect young people who don't have the kind of family that I am lucky enough to have, in the end cultural sensitivity should not be put before a person's wellbeing and safety, forced marriages perpetrate domestic violence in all its horrific guises and it needs to be stopped whenever and wherever possible.
Forced marriage and arranged marriages are TWO different things, both exist in the 21st century and whilst one is acceptable, the other most certainly is not. I am Asian myself, and I have to agree to a certain extent with Mill Hill Asian, you don't necessarily have to have a gun pointed to your head as I found out in India a couple of years ago. I was put under tremendous pressure by my family to accept a marriage proposal from a really nice guy, but a guy I didn't want to marry! There were no threats, no abuse, just emotional pressure, to the point I almost emailed a friend of mine in the UK to beg her to get me home somehow! Luckily my Dad realised I was about to implode under the pressure and he came to his senses, and my decision to turn down the young man's very flattering offer was accepted by all concerned. Looking back at my experience I now know I was very lucky, my family loved me enough not to treat me as chattel but what if their "honour" meant more than me as their daughter, it doesn't bear thinking about. There definitely should be laws to protect young people who don't have the kind of family that I am lucky enough to have, in the end cultural sensitivity should not be put before a person's wellbeing and safety, forced marriages perpetrate domestic violence in all its horrific guises and it needs to be stopped whenever and wherever possible.
Posted by: Abbas, Blackburn on 3:21pm Tue 15 Apr 08
Another problem assosiated with this is that when people are forced to get married it is usually with a cousin or relative ie uncles daughter. This then causes more genetic defects in Asian babies. This is cruel and needs to be dealt with without it being a taboo.
Another problem assosiated with this is that when people are forced to get married it is usually with a cousin or relative ie uncles daughter. This then causes more genetic defects in Asian babies. This is cruel and needs to be dealt with without it being a taboo.
Posted by: Shamas, Manchester on 11:53am Wed 16 Apr 08
Remember , have you all forgotten what happened to Ms SHAFILEA AHMED in Warrington, Cheshire. She was MURDERED by someone very close to her,because of this forced marriage problems.
Cheshire police is still investigation who MURDERED her and hope they will NEVER give-up and in the end bring the person or persons to justice.
Remember , have you all forgotten what happened to Ms SHAFILEA AHMED in Warrington, Cheshire. She was MURDERED by someone very close to her,because of this forced marriage problems.
Cheshire police is still investigation who MURDERED her and hope they will NEVER give-up and in the end bring the person or persons to justice.
Posted by: Mill Hill Asian, Blackburn on 11:54am Wed 16 Apr 08
[quote][bold]Rosusa Mansuran[/bold] wrote:
Forced marriage and arranged marriages are TWO different things, both exist in the 21st century and whilst one is acceptable, the other most certainly is not. I am Asian myself, and I have to agree to a certain extent with Mill Hill Asian, you don't necessarily have to have a gun pointed to your head as I found out in India a couple of years ago. I was put under tremendous pressure by my family to accept a marriage proposal from a really nice guy, but a guy I didn't want to marry! There were no threats, no abuse, just emotional pressure, to the point I almost emailed a friend of mine in the UK to beg her to get me home somehow! Luckily my Dad realised I was about to implode under the pressure and he came to his senses, and my decision to turn down the young man's very flattering offer was accepted by all concerned. Looking back at my experience I now know I was very lucky, my family loved me enough not to treat me as chattel but what if their "honour" meant more than me as their daughter, it doesn't bear thinking about. There definitely should be laws to protect young people who don't have the kind of family that I am lucky enough to have, in the end cultural sensitivity should not be put before a person's wellbeing and safety, forced marriages perpetrate domestic violence in all its horrific guises and it needs to be stopped whenever and wherever possible.[/quote] Rosusa
It's good to read of your parents ultimately understanding your feelings. This would have saved a) an unhappy marriage and b) potential loss of yourself to the family. A massive education programme needs to be rolled out which can convert the ones who are less enlighted and somehow change their ways. If it means a government backed initiative - then so be it. For years no-one in the Asian community has grappled the problem effectively. We had the chance to get our house in order, it's tough cookie.
Fact: There is a Forced Marriages unit (administered by the UK Govt) in Mirpur, Pakistan and why isn't there one anywhere else? It's a reflection on the mentality of some Mirpuris.
Rosusa Mansuran wrote:
Forced marriage and arranged marriages are TWO different things, both exist in the 21st century and whilst one is acceptable, the other most certainly is not. I am Asian myself, and I have to agree to a certain extent with Mill Hill Asian, you don't necessarily have to have a gun pointed to your head as I found out in India a couple of years ago. I was put under tremendous pressure by my family to accept a marriage proposal from a really nice guy, but a guy I didn't want to marry! There were no threats, no abuse, just emotional pressure, to the point I almost emailed a friend of mine in the UK to beg her to get me home somehow! Luckily my Dad realised I was about to implode under the pressure and he came to his senses, and my decision to turn down the young man's very flattering offer was accepted by all concerned. Looking back at my experience I now know I was very lucky, my family loved me enough not to treat me as chattel but what if their "honour" meant more than me as their daughter, it doesn't bear thinking about. There definitely should be laws to protect young people who don't have the kind of family that I am lucky enough to have, in the end cultural sensitivity should not be put before a person's wellbeing and safety, forced marriages perpetrate domestic violence in all its horrific guises and it needs to be stopped whenever and wherever possible.
Rosusa
It's good to read of your parents ultimately understanding your feelings. This would have saved a) an unhappy marriage and b) potential loss of yourself to the family. A massive education programme needs to be rolled out which can convert the ones who are less enlighted and somehow change their ways. If it means a government backed initiative - then so be it. For years no-one in the Asian community has grappled the problem effectively. We had the chance to get our house in order, it's tough cookie.
Fact: There is a Forced Marriages unit (administered by the UK Govt) in Mirpur, Pakistan and why isn't there one anywhere else? It's a reflection on the mentality of some Mirpuris.
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