Dear Massi, My wife is a good woman, but when she loses her temper it’s like something has taken over her.

If she doesn’t get her own way she spits in my salan (curry) but only tells me after I’ve eaten it.

She even put my toothbrush in the toilet water to punish me for something my mum said to her and apparently I didn’t stick up for her.

It’s getting a little ridiculous. but worrying at the same time.

When I paid for my mum’s trip to Pakistan and gave her spending money too, my wife got really angry and started scratching her own face and said she would tell people I did that to her.

I’m constantly walking on egg shells around her. She seems to be so jealous of my relatives too and keeps making comments.

What can I do?

Massi says, It is incredibly unfair that you have been put in a position where you are having to justify a kind gesture towards your relatives.

You should not have to pick sides or loyalties between two people who play an integral role in your life.

Having to pre-empt your wife’s tantrums will be a drain on your emotional resources. 

You must talk to your wife to understand where her insecurity towards your relatives arises from.

Reassure your wife that you love her, but explain clearly that you cannot be expected to ostracise your relatives just because you are married.

Make it clear that you are not going to pick one over the other and that her aggressive tactics are leaving you feeling upset and disillusioned. 

A marriage cannot work when one party uses belligerent means to get their own way.