Those were words of one parent. He described it as ‘one of the greatest frauds’ committed on young Asian women in the community – the efforts by families to conceal their true intentions before marriage proposals.

Parents and women have spoken out against the practice of families who lie to land themselves a good marriage partner.

One woman described how she found her new partner had an illegitimate daughter from a previous relationship. Another spoke of her shock that her husband had several girlfriends and this was accepted by his wider family.

A parent told of his heartache of how he married his daughter off to a religious man who turned out to be a wife beater and a charlatan.

The parent, who did not wish to be named told, us: “We brought our daughter up with a high level of education. She went to university and also respected her family and her religion.

“We were offered a marriage introduction through a family friend.

“The man came recommended by a religious leader.

“But it was a nightmare. We did everything they wanted for the wedding plans.
“Some people use religion to commit a great fraud against families.

“He was all very sincere but months into the marriage we found out my daughter was beaten and humiliated. He even spent her money and forced her to do degrading things. I felt like killing myself.

“The kind of things I got told made me angry. But she was so good that she didn’t want to upset us.

“She thought it was a normal married life.”

He lied about his academic credentials

Shazia said she got married and at first everything seemed to be okay.

“I had a private school education all my life. I excelled at school and university. But parents being parents, they assumed that once a ‘good rishta’ came along they should say yes to it lest it slip away.

“They believed the false promises made to them that I could study further, that I could work.

“They fell for the religious charm and the lavish lifestyle. A family that appeared to be humble even though they had a vast amount of money-it seemed like the perfect combination.

“The true picture emerged after I got married- a husband who had lied about his academic credentials. He was a man who lived off his parents wealth.

“Asian families have this idea that even if something goes wrong with the man’s job, he will always have his family to support him. In truth that makes for a complacent husband.

“Yes, my husband and his family are all religious and pray five times a day without fail. But they lie. My husband smokes weed. He is out every Saturday night in gentleman’s clubs or casinos.

“He has no interest in me and our kids.

“But at the same time I am not allowed to work because there may be men in my work environment. Such hypocrisy.”

“It was a huge mistake. On paper my marriage still looks ideal but the truth is as a boy, he was brought up with the mentality that boys are immune from scandal.”

He already had a daughter from another woman

Halima, 29, said parents are not to blame as they simply want the best for their daughters.

She said: “I was brought up with a huge emphasis on being polite, having a good education, not going out during anti-social hours etc.

“So were many of my friends. Parents do this so their daughters are untarnished. Innocent and perfect marriage material. 

“It’s a shame that they don’t focus their efforts on their sons.

“A day after my wedding I found out my husband had an illegitimate daughter from a two week fling. I just had to accept it.”

“Yet he made me remove all my male friends from University off my Facebook page.”

“We have ridiculous double standards in our society.”

Dad, Hussain said the community was being misled by families who wanted to portray themselves as something they were not.

“Look around the community now and we have young women who are succeeding academically and religiously. Our successes are the young women.

“We have families who raise their sons to be successful financially and they then go hunting for the right rishta.

“My wife and I married our daughter into a family that on the face of it were religious and had a sound financial background.

“But it was all for show. She returned to us after three months because the family were so selfish. My son-in-law was a religious preacher and a doctor.

“In public he was very nice but in private a horrible vindictive person. I felt sorry for my daughter and told her come back.

‘We raise our daughters to be intelligent, thoughtful and sincere and then marry them to British born paindus (villagers).”

“There are big problems with families who are spoiling their sons and encouraging them to act like they are never accountable.”

Families are being duped

Lubna found out some dark secrets about her husband’s past when she got married.

“I only ever went to a girl’s school. I never mixed with boys at university. I got a shock after I got married.

“Not only did I discover my husband had several girlfriends with whom he had consummated the relationship with, but he was a raging flirt.

“His parents laughed it off, but I can’t accept this kind of behaviour.

“It’s like having a wholesome wife is a prize possession and a trophy.”

The story of Fozia, 33 was one of despair. She says she was bought up to respect others but her experiences had left her bitter and resentful.

“My friends and I were all brought up to respect others. We didn’t go out with boys. We did as we were told when we were growing up. And we did it out of respect for our parents and for our religion.

“My mum and dad were not to know how the family and my husband would turn out.

“First of all although he came across religious and secondly, his business was in debt.

“I slowly found this out within the first year but by then I was pregnant. They cut me off from my family and I put up with it for seven years before having the courage to leave.

“It is not easy leaving as you don’t know what to do in your life.

“Families want the perfect daughter-in-law. They want them religious, they want them sincere and respectful. They also want them intelligent.

“But they do not ask their own sons to be like this. It is a fraud being committed by families over and over and again.”

“I feel sorry for my parents as they were duped.”