Some things are eternally predictable: Liverpool won’t win the Premier League, monogamy is all but a beautiful concept, and politicians lie.

It would be banal to point out that all politicians have a vested interest. We know that. They make ambitious pledges and heartfelt promises. Nothing new there.

However, an interesting facet of this election is the all-important Asian vote.

You have the Asian Tory voter. Let’s be frank, they only vote that way because it makes them sound 'posh'.

You have the Red Asian. The bona fide Labour supporter who comes from a generation of Labour supporters. They hate the Tories, but only because their culture dictates it. Similar to the Urdu speaking, Mirpuri, Punjabi rivalry.

These voters are not entirely sure what an SNP coalition entails, but it has got to be better than 5 more years of David Cameron. Plus Ed sort of looks Asian.

Then there’s the controversial Respect follower, also known as the Fickle Drifter. They only follow Galloway when anything to do with Palestine/Gaza/Israel is highlighted.

They are the ones who are the laptop warriors, fighting ardently for their cause whilst tapping away on their smartphones, i.e changing their profile picture on WhatsApp and Facebook to whichever one is au fait with the Palestine lot.

This voter (often associated with covert drink binges) will subtly drift back to Labour when demonstration fever dies down.

The Green Asian: They’re not even worth mentioning. On par with the Asian Lib Dem.

And finally there is the real protagonist of #GE2015: the Asian UKIP voter.

This individual deserves an award. They advocate everything that is anti-Asian.

This voter is the biggest paradox in the history of British politics.

They will be cemented in history and taught to our grandchildren along with PM Gladstone and his selection of self-chastising whips and how William Pitt the Younger was forced to introduce Britain's first income tax.

Whatever the outcome of the elections, it will be one of the oddest alliances to date.