Manghaytar party (From Asian Image)

Manghaytar party

10:30am Tuesday 22nd December 2009

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For the first year I’m a proper gonna make them believe I’m stupid. Then I’m going to go AWOL.

When I was back in the village it was all sorted. Everything was paid for and the weather was nice.

Over here the cold is unbearable, they make me work long hours and I have to help out in the house.

On top of all that every other person calls me freshie. ‘What is freshie?’ I asked one fellow. ‘You!’ he replied.

But the plan is simple my dear anglo Asian friends I’m going to screw you all over big time. First up I have to lay low and pretend I am towing the line. You know get some respect amongst the locals. It’s all good.

Every now and then I have to find a way to make some extra dosh on the side. I store that away in my secret chamber away from the prying eyes.

I must be a model citizen and let them all feel they can trust me. But as soon I’ve got my definite stay...then it’s wham bham thank you man...I’m taking the lot.

I got into business with my father- in-law and after he showed me the ropes I did him over proper good. He didn’t know what hit him. I knew nothing until he gave me the idea and now it’s time to take the lot....with interest.

I was staying in a house rent free and I’m going to claim it’s mine. Think they move me? Let them try!

It’s also time to turn the family inside out with my petty squabbles that have no sense or purpose. They weren’t prepared for this at all.

Oh, there’s the odd clever auntie who has latched on to my tricks but I soon get rid of her by spreading malicious rumours about her daughters.

The best thing is I’m related to all these people and they can’t do a single thing because and you have to wait for this... ‘It’ll do their baystee!’ Oh what a wonderful phrase that is. It has got me out of so many scrapes it is unbelievable.

And when the news of my actions reaches back home I have planned in advance. I’ve already told them what a bunch of b******** they are in the UK and most of them agree! To keep the villagers sweet I’ve been sending them the latest Nokia’s not the rubbish this lot off load on them.

The female version of me is more deadly than I am! She even gets the authorities to back her quest for total control and lust for power.

When I asked one of them why she was like she was...she simply shrugged her shoulders and said... ‘Hey, anything beats shifting the cow dung back home.’

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