Driver (From Asian Image)

Driver

2:50pm Wednesday 22nd July 2009

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They come in all shapes and sizes but when you drive Asian style you never go back.

Back in the days when we had a van it was customary to put a bed setee in the back to accommodate the masses. Those long trips to the airport flew by.

We drove because we had to get from ‘A’ to ‘B’. A car was the pride and joy of the community. If you had one you were special...if you did not then you just borrowed one.

But how things have changed. You give a brother a set of car keys and he thinks he’s Lewis Hamilton.

My friend ‘Pad’ (yes pad..that’s his gangster name) has got to be the king of the drivers. He leans so far back in his seat you can just about see his cap. Pure class this fellow as he cruises through the neighbourhood at 20mph.

Veil driver is in a world of her own. Hey, I ain’t got nothing against the ladies but you have to admit that is one hell of a way to get out of traffic etiquette.

Old man driver couldn’t care less who you are and where you come from..last month I saw one screaming... ‘Tere pyu dha road hai?’ (Is it your dads road?). The other driver happened to be a police officer!

For Pakistan driver old habits die hard. He horns when he overtakes someone, he horns when he parks-up...he horns when he slows down...and if he doesn’t get his own way he gives you a flash.

He has got so used to using the horn at every opportunity, I bet he horns when he gets home, after he eats his dinner and just before going to bed.

And what about the ‘baybays’ (aunties). There were days when these ladies got carted around everywhere. But no more.

They have passed the test and are out on the road making a nuisance of themselves. The best ones are those in the people carriers trying to manoeuvre their motors through a ten inch gap when picking their kids up from the mosque which, incidently, is only 100 yards away from their house.

Then there is the mother of all Asian drivers...the chaudrhy. He has no intention of giving you way or thanking you if you do.

He undertakes..overtakes and thinks by driving like a knob people will be impressed.

But once a brother always a brother. When he has an accident he claims for absolutely everything under the sun. Even when it is perfectly clear it was his fault he’ll still pull out the immortal line.... “But kasam prava (brother) I was only doing 30...”.

...Son of a bitch.

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