The Pervert (From Asian Image)

The Pervert

1:54pm Tuesday 10th February 2009

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For those with a nervous dispostion please don’t read on...and don’t ring the editor! He said this was my last chance and if we get any more complaints he’s going to fire my brown tooah.

The rest of you should know that I am not a pervert. Just because I say...’Baby what is the time?’ in an Asian accent does not make me a pervert.

How on earth did it come to this?

Many years ago I could wear my shalwaar kameez and walk where ever I wanted. No-one batted an eye-lid as I squatted in the park.

I spoke to whoever I wanted and my comments were taken with a pinch of salt. People loved us as they all knew we were decent folk trying to make a decent living.

Then all of a sudden I became public enemy number one. I think you have to blame the miscreants from the homeland for really giving the brothers a bad name.

In my twenties I was fine. In my thirties I was spoken to with a bit of respect. Then when my hair turned a little white and I hit my forties - I became the perversion from hell.

Now, I have been branded pervert number one....and it has all got to do with the way I look and talk. I give a lift to someone in my taxi and they automatically give me ‘the perv look’...even the blokes. I stumble across a couple in a car, I get the look again.

Listen, I am parking my car in a public car park. How on earth is a brother supposed to know that this is the number one spot for all the sinful couples.

I queue-up at a shop full of women and I get the look. I go clubbing and they think I am a perv because I stand in the corner all night drinking one glass of cola. I accidently give a woman some eye-contact and she gives me the perv look in return.

One time I was serving food at a wedding and I brushed this woman by mistake and she told everyone I was a perv. It made me realise one fact - people like me cannot possibly win.

I can’t drive anywhere at night because the cops think I’m out grooming.

If I end up sittting near some women at a restaurant they whisper ‘pervert’ to each other. And please please remember when I am at the cinema and I say ‘You like film?’ does not in any way mean that I am trying it on.

I told all these problems to my wife and she said, “Darling I love but you are a big perv, even your mum says so.”

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