Sharabee (From Asian Image)

Sharabee

5:48pm Friday 23rd January 2009

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There was something quite peculiar about seeing a brother drunk for the first time.

You don’t exactly know what to make of it. Do you let him be. Do you just laugh at him or do you slap him?

When I was growing up alcohol was a clear no-no. Oh, we knew the odd person who liked a little tipple but drinking was off-limits. More so than even girls.

It was funny how families would come up with wonderful excuses to absolve their sons of any blame.

One mother said, “He was walking home last week and some gorays (white fellas) pinned him to the ground and poured booze down his throat.”

This scared the pants off everyone and for the whole summer we were on the lookout for a gang of gorays with cans of Carling.

As one began to grow older one came across my first Asian drunk. It was on Eid and the brother warmly welcomed me into his arms before saying, “Assalamu alaikum my Muslim brother...Eid Mubarak’ He then took a swig from the ‘Cola’ bottle he had wrapped-up in a Spar carrier bag.

The Eid drunk is in class of his own. He fasts the whole month and then lets himself go on Eid day to make-up for being tee-total.

Another time I got into an argument with two Chaudhry’s in a chippy. They were all boozed-up but then asked the owner if the food was halal. They are nearly as bad as the people who smoke weed and then say ‘At least I don’t drink?’ And the first time I saw a female Asian drinker I was completely baffled.

At the Christmas party I got the shock of my life when my work colleague knocked some bacardi and cokes back. I didn’t mind but it made people ask me the million dollar question. “How come Zed drinks and you don’t? You some special kind of Moslem?”.

But I did learn that life is not all rosey for the secret drinkers within our midst. Firstly, they can’t take a taxi anywhere because there is big chance (99%) one of the drivers will be a cousin or family friend.

Secondly, the drinker must always have a good excuse ready when he returns home late at night. And thirdly, the majority of brothers who drink can’t handle their booze.

There is nothing worse than having to drop a tipsy friend (who’s only had half a bottle of WKD) off to his house.

You slowly drive-up to his house. Check to see if any of the lights are on. Quietly open the car door. Carefully lift your friend out of the passenger side. Take the house keys from his pocket ...open the front door and then shout at the top of your voice.... “Uncle!! Abdullah’s home he’s smashed out of his skull so you might want to consider sending him back home and getting him married now!!!”.

Sharabee=alcoholic/drinker

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