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The Channel Changer (From Asian Image)
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The Channel Changer
11:27am Thursday 9th October 2008
You didn't have much of a choice when there was no remote control.
One poor member of the family had to sit right next to the TV just in case a dirty bit came on the TV. I, my dear readers had that enviable job.
It was a tough task and one which came with a lot of responsibility. There would nothing worse than have the local Moullana (religious priest) greeted by a Benny Hill slapper during one of his weekly visits.
"Hey..is his what you teach your children at home?' He would exclaim. The shame would be unbearable.
Sexy woman in Bollywood film girates her hips and chest to the tune of Mehbooba - that's okay. Man pecks woman on cheek - banned.
Sometimes I got lazy and decided I would wait until it got really embarrassing before changing the channel. It was all a matter of timing.
Other times I would make a complete mess of it and turn it on to another channel with a dirty bit' on it. Hey, how was I to know?
Another time, and this happened on numerous occasions, you twisted the volume knob by mistake. Barbara Windsor had that affect on people.
There were also moments when you would have to sit next to the video and forward stuff. When the dirty bit' came on there was the ever-reliable channel changer stooping right next to the video ready to put Madhuri Dixit into overdrive.
The job of the channel changer' got easier when remote controls were invented. But despite these technological advances you had to be quick.
In the modern age the channel changer can still be seen hugging the armchair or huddled in a corner. Ready for that fateful moment when he or she is called into action.
Family visits are still the biggest tests. It is important not to be watching TV at all when the big family visits take place. Even in an age when we are all born and bred here some dirty bit' on the TV can make things uncomfortable.
I was visiting someone recently and the channel changer got blamed for all the dirty bits on the TV because the battery in his remote had died.
"What is this...change the channel!!!' His father screamed...'I'm trying but it won't work...!" he replied almost close to tears.
Then someone simply pulled the plug out of the socket.
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