My favourite spot (From Asian Image)

My favourite spot

10:32am Thursday 15th March 2007

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Man it is tough hiding from the locals these days. I can't go anywhere with my bird because they are on to me.

Okay I know it isn't your fault but you have to give a brother a chance...I'm bursting here.

When I used to be on foot patrol I headed to the park but the place was teeming with people who recognised me. I go round a corner and there was Auntie G on her afternoon stroll.

Once I got busted by half of the committee from my mosque - I still haven't lived that down.

The libraries are strictly off-limits now because every other person in there is a cousin of mine who comes to read the newspapers for free. I call them the Jang hunters'...because there's always only ever one copy and they all go mental over it.

The museum...the alleyways...the takeaways...the cinemas they are all no-go areas.

When there were a few of us no-one ever noticed but as the new recruits joined in it became a whole new ball game.

As time went by I managed to wangle a car off me dad. It wasn't much but the possibilities became endless.

Car parks became my new favourite haunt but I must say these days it is getting pretty risky. There are no spots left and even when you do find one some parking warden comes to check to see if you have a valid ticket.

Into the countryside we all went like a bunch of immigrants looking for a new start. The countryside however is not the friendliest of places. Last month I was near this farm and the owner chased us off.

Another time when I came up for air I saw a whole group of gentlemen walk past looking pretty happy with themselves.

It was just before Eid-Ul-Adha and it turns out they had just taken part in the illegal practice of sacrificing a sheep with the help of the farmer. (I'm on to you....buddies) Then we thought we had found the promised land...The Trafford Centre. Boy...did we take the p*** out of that place. It was heaving before the redcoats got wise.

Sometimes you end up on the corner of some street thinking you won't see any Asians there.

But everyone is moving to posh neighbourhoods nowadays and trust me you will get caught out. And if they haven't moved they are looking for a house there or trying to force people to sell up.

I see there is a new braver breed among us now who don't even care about hiding...they just come out with it in front of your face. Man...I hate those people.

At least try to make an effort to conceal your indecency you filthy animals!!!!

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