Last Bit, the amusing Asian columnist in Asian Image

Rotee - Shotee

11:29am Wednesday 17th March 2010

It started innocently enough. I wanted some rotee (chapatti) but no-one was listening to me.

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Manghaytar party

10:30am Tuesday 22nd December 2009

For the first year I’m a proper gonna make them believe I’m stupid. Then I’m going to go AWOL.

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Discount

12:19pm Friday 13th November 2009

We love discounts more than most people.

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Men in front, women in living room

12:14pm Thursday 10th September 2009

This wonderful rule has lasted us in good stead all these years.

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Driver

2:50pm Wednesday 22nd July 2009

They come in all shapes and sizes but when you drive Asian style you never go back.

Fresh Pot

2:50pm Sunday 19th July 2009

When a brother came over some years back everyone called him ‘Freshie’ (fresh off the boat).

The Pervert

1:54pm Tuesday 10th February 2009

For those with a nervous dispostion please don’t read on...and don’t ring the editor! He said this was my last chance and if we get any more complaints he’s going to fire my brown tooah.

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Sharabee

5:48pm Friday 23rd January 2009

There was something quite peculiar about seeing a brother drunk for the first time.

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The Coat

1:10pm Monday 15th December 2008

There was something about the coat that I could never figure out. Did it come with the passport?

The Hand-Shaker

12:30pm Tuesday 18th November 2008

Salaam my brother, now shake my hand.

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The Channel Changer

11:27am Thursday 9th October 2008

You didn't have much of a choice when there was no remote control.

Kasam

12:33pm Wednesday 8th October 2008

If you ever want to make people believe in you a little bit more then say it loud and say it proud - say Kasam.

Bed Settee

10:01am Tuesday 5th August 2008

I love my bed settee more than anything else in the world.

The Wedding Guest

3:57pm Saturday 10th May 2008

Evil men will do evil things. Wedding guests go that one step further.

The Back Seaters

10:17am Saturday 10th May 2008

In the days when they used towels for nappies and plastic matting in the hallway was cool - everyone and anyone had a woman sitting in the back seat of the car.

The first six months...

9:19am Sunday 13th April 2008

The following Last Bit column was written in Urdu and is translated for readers.

Community Leader

7:24pm Sunday 30th March 2008

I'm loving it and living it large. Things were never so hard though.

The Queue

1:05pm Wednesday 20th February 2008

The very nature of a queue is that it is meant to bring a sense of order to things.

Christmas Party

5:10pm Monday 24th December 2007

With all the political correctness nowadays no-one holds a top Christmas party anymore.

A change is going to come

9:27am Tuesday 9th October 2007

After eleven months of being a complete lay-about I am turning over a new leaf.

Daw Saw Pawned (£200)

9:23am Monday 13th August 2007

He comes into my garage acting all high and mighty. A chaudhry he said he was.

Once a Chaudhry always a Chaudhry

2:12pm Monday 16th April 2007

There was a time when I was the king back in the promised land. Now, they won't even spit in my direction.

My favourite spot

10:32am Thursday 15th March 2007

Man it is tough hiding from the locals these days. I can't go anywhere with my bird because they are on to me.

Dubai Challo

10:33am Tuesday 13th March 2007

I've been to Dubai and boy do those brothers hate me there.

The House guest

11:55am Monday 15th January 2007

When I used to travel to London many years ago I got to stay at someone's house.

Oil me up I need a workout

2:53pm Sunday 26th November 2006

I used to go to the gym but I don't any more. There's too many of my cousins there!

Here's my hand just slap it!

12:42pm Sunday 26th November 2006

The first time someone did it to me I didn't know what to make of it.

Hire me a motor

4:54pm Saturday 4th November 2006

If you are having a wedding this year you need a motor. And it's not any old motor it has to be a BMW or a Mercedes otherwise people might talk.

The Jhutee Chor aka The Slipper Thief

7:25pm Saturday 21st October 2006

The time has come to admit my crime to the people of the world and I want to cleanse my soul.

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