12:02pm Tuesday 16th March 2010
By Massi
Derar Massi, I am a Pakistani and I have been dating an Indian boy for over a year.
We really like each other and want to get married...as I do not live at home anymore we are finding it difficult to explain the situation to his family.
He has told his mum he wants to marry a Pakistani but his mum is not happy and he does not know how to explain to them the situation that I no longer live at home due to family problems.
I know it is hard for elders to understand these sort of situations. In the meantime his parents are trying to force him to marry other people.
I have stuck by him even though friends have advised me get out of this relationship as they believe his parents won't come round and that he wont tell his parents of the situation as he knows they will not be happy and that I will be left broken hearted.
I really like him and he has stuck by me through all the hard times I had with my family. He has funny mood swings sometimes when he goes quiet and doesn’t talk to me for days.
I understand he must be having a hard time at home with family due to this issue.
I really care about him. I have tried to keep my distance just in case but I think about everything so much and I’m scared about how thing might turn out sometimes I feel like being selfish and walking away from him even though that is going to be really hard as everyone have tried to convince me that its not going to work out with his family but I cant walk away as I really care about him and our relationship.
Should I ask him to tell his parents all?
Or should I just leave things alone??? Please help...I’m confused Massi Says, I am sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time, but put yourself in your boyfriend’s place he must be agonising as to how he will broach this with his parents.
It does sound like you guys have been through a lot and you say that he has supported you through some tough times so there are clearly some positive things between you which is good.
However, one thing you need to remember is that you guys have only been together for a year which may seem like a long time to you but it is a relatively short period to be thinking about marriage already. Give it some more time to understand one another and to make sure that marriage is what you both want.
You need to think about how serious you both are about one another and do have the discussion about what you both expect from your relationship, where it is going etc.
I know this seems like a daunting task but you need to know as he is in a place where he is being pressured into marriage which may well be why he is having some mood swings.
You guys need to be straight with one another and think about what you want from this relationship and how you will go about achieving this. Marriage is a very serious decision and you both need to think about if this is what you both want. Marriage between people of the same culture and religion is hard enough but you guys are proposing to cross these barriers which are going to be really difficult.
I am not going to give you guys false hopes, you have tough times ahead of you but if you are serious about each other and your relationship then you need to work together to get what you both want. I wish you both every luck.
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