I've hid homosexuality from family (From Asian Image)

I've hid homosexuality from family

2:48pm Thursday 11th March 2010 in

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Dear Massi,I really enjoy reading your articles and hope you can help me too.

I have been in a homosexual relationship for the last 4 years.

I understand this is not acceptable in my religion, Islam, but I can not help how I feel.

I have had normal relationships in the past but they do not add up to what I feel for my current partner.

No one other then my very close friend, knows about my relationship and they have advised me to get some impartial advice from someone who isn’t from my community or related to me.

I have now come to an age where my parents would like for me to get married.

It has even been suggested that I find someone from abroad and get married the traditional way.

I have no intention of getting married but I do not wish to upset my parents as I know if they find out it will be very difficult for them to comprehend.

I don’t know what to do, what ever decision I make I will make someone unhappy.

B.

Massi says, You are in huge bind and I really do feel for you as you are in a position whereby you will upset people no matter what your decision.

I don’t want to upset you further than you clearly are but there is no easy way out of this situation. You say you have been in a relationship for four years which is a long time and it sounds like it is serious.

I am not here to judge you or the choices you have made in relation to your life but what I shall say is that you will come across some very harsh critics when you tell people your reasons for not wanting to marry.

It will be a really rough ride for you and for this I truly feel for you in this predicament.

Your parents will no doubt have incredible difficulties in accepting your choices and will go through denial and possibly cut you out of their lives, this is the harsh reality.

Your parents may not be able to comprehend your sexual orientation and it will be a difficult time for all your family but you are living a lie and need to ask yourself how long you can keep to this. If you do keep your secret and go along with your parents’ wishes for you to marry then you will need to think about how you will live with this lie.

You said it yourself you know that you will make someone unhappy, the question is whom? Please think long and hard about what you will do as any decision you make will have serious consequences.

Only you can decide which path you choose to follow and unfortunately you will not come out of this unscathed.

But do not despair that you are the only Muslim man going through this; there are lots who have made the difficult decision to reveal all to their families. There are a number of agencies who will be able to support and advise you at this very difficult time. Following are the details of a few websites, www.imaan.org.uk, www.al-fatiha.org, www.safraproject.org, http://huriyahmag.com.

These are just a few organisations that you will be able to contact for support and advice. I wish you every luck at this very difficult time.