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9:19am Sunday 13th April 2008
The following Last Bit column was written in Urdu and is translated for readers.
My mum told me it was time to pack my bags and head off to England.
Last summer when I got married everyone was just so happy for me. My husband came over and he wasn't all that to look at but seemed a nice enough bloke.
His family spent a bucket load on the wedding. They must be really rich back in England I thought.
They bought so many presents for everyone and they walked through the village as if they owned it.
So with my bags packed I headed off to the airport. Everyone was so sad to see me go.
When I arrived in England my husband was there with his family to greet me. At the house I soon realised my husband was not what he seemed.
First of all he was driving this s*** car - which looked nothing like the one he sent me a picture of himself in last month.
And the house was awful too - nothing like the one in the video. Then again it did say Hilton' in the background shots?
When we got home I got the impression things were going to be a little weird. On the first day he stayed in bed till 12.
Then he would come home at odd hours and expect me to cook for him. I did all of this without ever asking where he had been.
I only ever went to town once with him. The other times I ended up going with his mum. But that's quite alright. And he never wanted to hold my hand or sit next to me on the sofa.
Weeks passed and his behaviour got stranger. He keeps speaking in English thinking I don't understand anything.
I'm not stupid..once this woman called and he said she was a work-friend'. Yeah right..
And then he had the audacity to try and make me pregnant within the first month!...I was having none of that just yet..thank you.
Another time he came home smelling of booze and weed and pretended it was all due to his mates. I just ignored him.
He had this overwhelming need to stop me from learning to drive as if I was going to run away with the first bloke I met. As if I would ever do that. I have far more respect for myself than the monkey they married me too.
Back in my homeland he's told everyone that he has got a degree. I soon figured I was more educated than him!
I looked through some of his school reports and realised he wouldn't get a job at the village shoe-shop back home.
The worst thing is his mum thinks he's a layabout and seems almost ashamed of him. But alas I'm married to him now so what can you do.
In the coming years I'm going to make him work like the dog he is and send as much of that money back home to my poor mum.
Because if I don't milk him dry I'm pretty sure someone else will...
Sarfraz, Padiham says...
1:47am Thu 10 Apr 08
Wassup, Bolton says...
2:41pm Fri 25 Apr 08
uk **** girl, blackburn says...
4:56pm Sat 10 May 08
UK BOY, UK says...
12:48pm Thu 24 Jul 08
mariam, manchester says...
2:38pm Thu 14 Aug 08
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Sarfraz, Padiham says...
1:44am Thu 10 Apr 08
People in villages back home think everyone in the UK is loaded. They expect UK people to splash out, when they visit PK. It's impossible to keep splashing out - hence not so lavish riches when you see them people in the UK. What gives you the right to criticise your hubby's car, you don't even have one in the village. Yes, okay they deceived you a little, but it's not 100% the hubby's fault. I bet the hubby was coaxed into marriage and went along with it to appease the parents. I bet he's getting pressure from his parents to become a father too. In the UK people go to co-ed schools, colleges and workplaces and boys and girls get to know each other as friends. Just because youre from the pindh where every woman is covered, and where gender segregation is all the rage, it doesn't mean that in the UK when a boy has a friendship with a girl, that it's an affair.
That sums up all you imports to a tee, doesn't it.
I thought the Last Bit was witty, but this article is totally different in that it was an attack on UK asians. Editor - get some better articles OK!