| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | Sneak previews of current and upcoming blockbusters. Click here.
|
|
|
|
Why did he marry me?
Dear Massi, I have only been in this country for over a year now.
I got married to my husband in Pakistan and things were going really well. The marriage was arranged and we both met each other and spent time with one another before we were married.
I adore his family and I think they like me.
But the past month has been hell. I have started to suspect that he only married me because his family made him. I have sensed after talking to some people that he was going out with someone before and has started seeing this other woman again.
I think that men from here think that all women from abroad are good for nothing but taking care of their families. They also think we are stupid and don't know how to use mobile phones, read credt card statements or use the internet.
I tried my best to be a good wife and this is how he treats me.
If he wanted to get married to this other girl then why did he wed me?
His family will obviously take his side when everything comes out and then where will I go?
I am confused and don't know where else to turn. I feel like killing myself.
Massi Says, You need to speak to your husband in a calm manner, and tell him how you feel and also tell him what you suspect is going on.
It might be all innocent and maybe there is another explanation to things.
But you have to be honest about these things both with him and his family.
He needs to know that his actions are hurting you. Speak to his parents and explain the situation to them.
You say you get on well with them. They may be more sympathetic than you think.
You have to understand that this is not your fault and although you might feel down and confused with things there are people who can help you through this.
If it turns out that he is also with another woman the decision to stay with him or leave is yours and no-one else's.
First and foremost though you need to find out the truth and put things in the clear because at the moment this mental torture must be unbearable.
Print 
Email this 
CommentPosted by: suzie, blackburn on 9:54pm Thu 24 Jan 08
[bold]Confront the evil guy, tell him what you thinks going on and maybe tell his parents too and he changes for the better. Find out who the gal is maybe shes marid too and and get her fellow involved too and get to the bottom of this.[/bold]
Confront the evil guy, tell him what you thinks going on and maybe tell his parents too and he changes for the better. Find out who the gal is maybe shes marid too and and get her fellow involved too and get to the bottom of this. Posted by: *sister*, Leeds on 1:04am Wed 30 Jan 08
Harry, the comment by you was sick, she is your sister in Islam and you should do dua for her, would you like it if a guy spoke to your sister like that? if you have nothing helpful to say the keep your hands away from the keyboard.
Sis, hope everything goes ok for you, speak to your shayk and they will give you something to recite which will hopefully make things easy for you, remember Allah tests his loved ones, he could stop those who have gone astray but he wants to see how far they will go with the bad deeds.
Have faith in Allah, everything will be ok.
Harry, the comment by you was sick, she is your sister in Islam and you should do dua for her, would you like it if a guy spoke to your sister like that? if you have nothing helpful to say the keep your hands away from the keyboard.
Sis, hope everything goes ok for you, speak to your shayk and they will give you something to recite which will hopefully make things easy for you, remember Allah tests his loved ones, he could stop those who have gone astray but he wants to see how far they will go with the bad deeds.
Have faith in Allah, everything will be ok.
Posted by: saba, manchester on 11:57am Thu 31 Jan 08
This situation happens to alot of girls from back home. The guys get forced to get married and they do it for their families and still think that they can do what they wany outside cos they have someone to stay at home waiting for them. Its the harsh reality.
Personally if i was in ur situation i would try to be a little more outgoing and basically be the way the girls he seems to go for, which is probably outgoing, confident, fashionable. someone he wouldnt mind being seen out with. It all depends on how much u want it all to work.
I wish u all the best, but instead of thinking of the worst think about what u can do to get his attention, physically and mentally and inshAllah eventually he will closer to u
This situation happens to alot of girls from back home. The guys get forced to get married and they do it for their families and still think that they can do what they wany outside cos they have someone to stay at home waiting for them. Its the harsh reality.
Personally if i was in ur situation i would try to be a little more outgoing and basically be the way the girls he seems to go for, which is probably outgoing, confident, fashionable. someone he wouldnt mind being seen out with. It all depends on how much u want it all to work.
I wish u all the best, but instead of thinking of the worst think about what u can do to get his attention, physically and mentally and inshAllah eventually he will closer to u
Posted by: curls, Manchester on 12:16am Sat 9 Feb 08
Saba I know what your trying to say but why should she change to gain his approval? She shouldn't have to work for his attention like hes some sort of god. If your unable to get out of the relationship for whatever reason I'd just let him do his own thing and take a passive attitude to it. I know its hard but men find it more appealing when you don't really care what they think or what they're doing. But obviously if hes not treating you right or making you happy and it can't be sorted out if its possible for you to leave, go for it.
Saba I know what your trying to say but why should she change to gain his approval? She shouldn't have to work for his attention like hes some sort of god. If your unable to get out of the relationship for whatever reason I'd just let him do his own thing and take a passive attitude to it. I know its hard but men find it more appealing when you don't really care what they think or what they're doing. But obviously if hes not treating you right or making you happy and it can't be sorted out if its possible for you to leave, go for it.
Posted by: Chaz76, Manchester on 10:37am Wed 13 Feb 08
This is a sad story being repeated again and again across the UK. Parents are to blame for not listening to their son's choice for marriage. The woman must raise the issue with the boy and then the boy's family if nothing is done. If nothing happens and there are no children yet, make a clean break. You should have full UK residency rights. Your English is very good, get studying and working and find yourself a man who will love and honour you.
This is a sad story being repeated again and again across the UK. Parents are to blame for not listening to their son's choice for marriage. The woman must raise the issue with the boy and then the boy's family if nothing is done. If nothing happens and there are no children yet, make a clean break. You should have full UK residency rights. Your English is very good, get studying and working and find yourself a man who will love and honour you.
Posted by: S on 7:29pm Mon 3 Mar 08
hey sister. i might not have much experience but one thing is for sure that [bold]killing yourself[/bold] is not the answer. sit down and talk to him. understand each other by listening to what he says and him understanding you. may [bold]Allah[/bold] keep you both happy. and may you get happiness in life [bold]AMEEN[/bold]
hey sister. i might not have much experience but one thing is for sure that
killing yourself is not the answer. sit down and talk to him. understand each other by listening to what he says and him understanding you. may
Allah keep you both happy. and may you get happiness in life
AMEEN
What are these links for?
If you liked this article and would like to share it with others on the web who might be searching for good content we've made it easy for you to do it.
At the bottom of all articles, you'll see links to six sites. These sites - commonly called 'social bookmark' or 'social news' sites - have large communities of web users who share and rate interesting, useful and fun things on the web.
Clicking the links will automatically add the address of the story you are reading to one of these sites, letting you share it with others. Each site will ask you to register to share stories. Registration is free and once a member, you can store, recommend and search for stories that interest you.
More on Digg
More on del.icio.us
More on Furl
More on reddit
More on NowPublic/
More on Yahoo!
