I have finally faced up to the truth (From Asian Image)

I have finally faced up to the truth

3:10pm Wednesday 6th January 2010

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Dear Massi, I have been married just over one year now and I have finally faced the truth.

I was with my husband for 5 years before we got married and those five years were not easy at all, we had plenty of ups and downs.

Some years ago whilst I was still in a relationship with my husband I met this guy and we started seeing each other, my husband then boyfriend found out and we split up.

This new guy in my life was exactly what I needed he was this happy go lucky guy, he would always make me laugh and we had a good few months together.

I don't know what went wrong but thinking back I remember I wanted my ex back because I was so used to him and had been with him for years.

But even now after being married for over a year I can’t stop thinking about this guy we are no longer in contact but he also got married and I assume he is very happy.

I am not sure if I feel like this because I’m not happy in my marriage or because I’ve lost my soul mate and I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life.

Even though I and my husband were together for years before we got married, I have realised how different me and him and also how different his family is.

I have come from a modern Sikh family and his family is very traditional and this is causing major problems.

I am all over the place and I really don't know what to do.

Part of me wants to leave and go back to my parents. I am more worried about my parents then anyone else.

Please help me.

MASSI SAYS, I am sorry you are having such a difficult time in your marriage and that you feel that you are now trapped. You seem to have realised that married life is very different to going out with someone no matter how long you may have been going out with them.

Asian marriages in particular are not just a meeting of two individuals, they are also a meeting of families and this can cause difficulties when you have to live with your husband’s family and need to learn to adjust to a different family’s way of being and doing things.

If you are feeling some inner turmoil at the moment this will only serve to make you think about happier times when things were simpler and you felt more positive about life and the people in your life at the time which may be why you are thinking about your brief relationship with this other man.

Remember though the other guy is married and so are you!

You need to try to identify why you are feeling so negative about your marriage and most importantly speak with your husband; he may understand how you are feeling and talking may get rid of some of your concerns.

If he doesn’t know what is troubling you then he won’t be able to help. He may be feeling some pressure as well as marriage can be stressful for both partners.

Talk to him about the difficulties you are having in adjusting with his family and also about your unhappiness in your marriage.

You need to deal with this together as you will only become more down if you internalise your unhappiness.

You guys got married and were together for a good few years which tells me there must be something in your relationship, focus on this and I am sure you will find a way through this difficult period.

Good luck I hope things get better soon.

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